How rude!

Eating out while I am in weight loss mode is pretty stressful for me. If we go somewhere that I can look up the calorie content online ahead of time then I don’t worry about it, I know I will make a good choice. It is when we go to those fun local restaurants that don’t have the nutritional information. I know that restaurant meals have lots of hidden calories. I have often tried to estimate calories but have been very wrong because I never imagined how much butter they actually used or that they added sugar to something. Anyway, on Tuesday night I went out to dinner with a friend. It was the first meal out I have eaten in the last few weeks. She picked the restaurant. Technically there should be something I can eat at every restaurant even though it may sometimes only be a salad with a lighter dressing on the side. When I got there I looked at the menu and there were many things that were almost healthy, and will a few changes I knew I could have a great meal. When the waitress came to the table she asked for our order. I smiled and said, I know I am about to be a big pain, sorry! I want to order the grilled chicken sandwich with a few changes please. She immediately rolled her eyes. I was not expecting that. I have gotten annoyed reactions in the past but usually if I preface it with an apology they are a little more gracious. This was exactly the reaction that made me nervous to custom order my food. As I read of to her what I wanted I also got a heavy sigh with the eye roll. Nice!



I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich with a wheat roll instead of white, no mayo, no bacon, no cheese, with honey mustard on the side, steamed broccoli instead of fries, and a side of salsa.



I realize that was a lot of changes but they were all offered on the menu. Do thin people who special order get eye rolls too? Has this ever happened to you? Do you get dining out anxiety?

Go Nuts! (but not too nuts!)

This week I have been feeling really hungry in the afternoon. Even though I live on the east coast, I am an account manager at my company for clients on the west coast. I typically go to work at 10am and get off around 7pm EST. The great new is I miss traffic both ways and have extra time to exercise in the morning. The bad news if I get home so late which means I eat dinner sooooooo late. Many nights when I was not doing so well I would be so hungry by the time I got home I would screw cooking dinner and just eat whatever I could find and fast! Since I was over-hungry I often over-ate. I started to feel that way this week. I never gave in and went wild but I wanted to and I knew if I didn’t change something, I would at some point. I can only be so strong people! J After looking at my eating schedule I decided to add some nuts at the end of the day to get me through. I was a little nervous about this because it is so easy to eat too many nuts. I decided to add Walnuts. They are so dense in calories but a little go along way. I also was excited about adding some extra omega 3’s, minerals, and fiber to my diet. I typically was eating like this:



8am: Breakfast

11am: Snack

1pm: Lunch

4pm: Snack

8pm: Dinner



But now I am doing this:



8am: Breakfast

11am: Snack

1pm: Lunch

4pm: Snack

6pm: 8-12 Walnuts Halves

8pm: Dinner



Guess what? It totally worked. It’s not a lot of nuts but it totally satisfied me until I get home. I am no longer ravenous and have no trouble waiting for my food to cook. Who knew such a little nut could make such a huge difference? I likely will switch it up some weeks and have almonds or pecans. (Raw of course!) As long as I count them out inside of munching them from the bag I feel confident I will not eat too many. Remember that since nuts have a high fat content (Good Fats!) to store them in the fridge to make sure they do not go rancid. I didn’t know about this until recently so I thought I would share.

2 weeks in the bag!

I just keep sighing with relief. It feels so nice to be back in control. It's funny to me that I crave this control and structure yet I allow myself to spiral into my old habits so often. I don't just feel healthier physically, my head is clear and I am ready to take on the world!

I am doing 30 mins of exercise daily and sometimes I am getting some bonus exercise in when I lift weights while watching TV. It's all baby steps. It's tough during the week as I spend so many of my waking hours in my office working. That is not something I can change but I am working to make my weekends as active as possible. So above and beyond doing deliberate exercise but I am trying to just get out of the house and keep moving.

This week I lost 2 pounds.

:-)

Body Bugg

My mom just bought me a Body Bugg. I have seen them used on the Biggest Loser but I don't know much about them yet. It is exciting though! I am hoping I can get some information about how many calories I am really burning. I have a feeling the results may be disappointing. My metabolism is slow, I know it is. When I try those general calorie burn calculators online they say I should be burning over 3000 calories a day. However when I cut my calories to 2000, I still don't lose weight. I have to go at least to 1800, and sometimes all the way to 1600 if I am not getting much exercise. It has always been very frustrating. I will be trying it out soon and reporting back to you. Has anyone else out there tried it? Any tips or advice?

Is this to "heavy" for this blog?

I debated whether or not to blog about this at all. It is very personal and I haven't discussed it with many people in my life. However I figured I should be as authentic as possible so why not? Besides, this blog is anonymous and wasn't the point of that so I can be honest?

I don't know if my hubby has been watching too much Dr. Phil or what but he brought something up this week that I had never thought about before. We were looking at some old photo albums and he noticed I starting gaining a lot of weight in 1995. I was always little chubby but I didn't start packing it on until then. Then he asked, isn't that the year you were raped?

When I was 14 I was raped. I have never really correlated it with my weight gain before. I am still not sure it has anything to do with it. However, my hubby wants me to go to counseling. He says he has seen me use food as a coping mechanism and thinks it may have started with the rape. I truly feel like I have moved past it and rarely think about it anymore. I guess there is a possibility that subconsciously it affects me. I can't see any harm in talking to someone about it. So I made an appointment to with a psychologist. Maybe she can help me with my emotional eating, even if it has nothing to do with being raped.

I have noticed that I can be on a roll, eating well, exercising, feeling great, but then something will happen in my life that I have trouble handling and I completely fall off the wagon. This of course is not the only reason for my weight gain but it has been a large contributor. I just feel if I never get to the bottom of it, my weight loss will never be permanent.

Weekend Success!

I am so excited to be reporting on my first full successful week in a long time. The weekend was not easy but I stuck to my guns. Now I just have to repeat this about 104 times or more. :-)

Drumroll please>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I lost 5 pounds!

It felt so good to work hard all week and actually see it on the scale. As my long time readers know, this is not always the case. Typically, my body resists weight loss at all costs. I don't know if all the stars aligned or what!??!?

Replacing two meals a day with shakes was boring but it helped me make the right choices for the week. I think it may have kept my blood sugar stable and my cravings were less. My mind would still want to eat tasty things but honestly my body was completely satisfied. Although I only committed to the shakes for one week, I am now thinking if it ain't broke, don't fix it! So until it stops working or I just can't stand to drink another shake I will continue.

I am breathing a sigh of relief. I finally, after flubbing up the first 7 weeks of 2010, am on the right road.

Give me a shake!

So far this has been a successful week. However until I can get through the weekend I am not going to be jumping up and down. I changed things up this week to try and get in a good routine. Instead of breakfast and lunch I have been having protein shakes. I committed to this for only a week because I have gone the shake route in the past and it gets very boring pretty fast but for some reason it does always jump start my weight loss. I alternate between Shaklee Cinch Shake and Jay Robb Whey Protein. Both are very palatable as far as shakes are concerned. I only enjoy the chocolate flavor. They are both very natural, have no artificial sweeteners and use the best ingredients. I think after my week is over I may only drink a shake for breakfast. Considering I really love to sleep in, it has kept me on track. I used to eat veggie omelets for breakfast a lot but don’t always have the time to cook them in the morning. Besides a protein shake or an omelet I can not think of a lot of great breakfast choices. Most of them are too carby. This has been my daily plan this week:

Breakfast: Shake
AM Snack: Fruit
Lunch: Shake
PM Snack: Raw Veggies and Hummus
Dinner:
M: Veggie Stir Fry and 1 cup Brown Rice
Tu: Veggie Soup and Salad
W: Low Carb Veggie Quesadilla
Th: Veggie Omelet
F: Three Bean Chili and Salad

Because I was getting ample protein in my two shakes I kept my dinners vegetarian. My favorite of week was the low carb veggie quesadilla. So good and easy! I bought low carb wraps, sautéed some of my favorite veggies and grilled it in my quesadilla maker with a little cheddar cheese. Topped with avocado and fresh salsa, I think this will make it into the weekly rotation!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

Sorry its been weeks since an update. I need to get back in the groove of writing. When I first thought about what has happened in the last 3 weeks my first response was: nothing. However that is not true. I have formed positive new habits. I am up to 25 minutes of exercise a day. On Saturdays I have been doing hour long bike rides. The weather has been so lovely that being outside has been so uplifting. I am back to cooking 75% of all my meals. I feel so much better. Having a plan has been so nice too. I am not stressing out at 5pm wondering what I am going to do about dinner. So why haven't I lost any weight?

Its amazing how I can be perfect M-F but mess up every single weekend. I could sit here and list you all the reasons weekends are so hard. Tell you about all the parties I have had and all the food related events I could not say no to. But the truth is they are all excuses. I could have dominated the weekends if I had more self control. I am filled with regret as I face the last week of the month and realize I wasted more time. However I woke up this morning even more determined than ever. If I can just get through one weekend!!! By next Monday I hope to be reporting my first loss. No, I WILL be reporting my first loss.

First Day

Day one has been difficult. The first week is the hardest. You have to establish a new routine, change your priorities, but most of all change your mind. There is so much planning involved in too. I have not planned all my meals and snacks in a while. I also have not carved out time for daily exercise in months.

My thoughts today have oscillated from being excited to be on the right track to being very mad at myself for letting go of all the progress I had made before. I have not been less than 300 pounds since 2003. I have spent the last few years trying. I have gotten close a couple times. My lowest weight was about 305 about a year ago. Many have said a goal of losing 60 pounds in 11 months is easily achieved. However, as “easy” as it is, I have never been able to do it! My body sheds weight so slowly. I have never been able to stick to anything more than about 4 months. I know that the lack of results has definitely been partly why I can not keep the motivation going. I can not do anything half way and lose weight. I have to be all in, all the time.

I already feel like crap. It is amazing what only one day without sugar and caffeine can do to me. It so hard to feel motivated to workout when you feel like you have no energy and you have a throbbing headache! I want to heed the advice not to do too much to fast. I do not want to be derailed because I bit off more than I can chew. I am going to work up to my full routine. However this week I commit to working out 15 minutes a day and eating right. Next week I will bump it up to 20 mins. Before you know it I will be back into the swing of things. I will not post my meals everyday but I will sometimes just to show what I am eating.

Breakfast: 2 Egg Omelet with provolone, onions and peppers and a banana
Snack: 2 Clementines
Lunch: Tuna on Salad
Snack: Carrots
Dinner: Baked Chicken & Sautéed Broccoli

Since I am also trying to fight PCOS and as well lose weight. I am on a supplement regime as well which includes:
Multi Vitamin
B-Complex
Fish Oil
Vitex
Maca
Natural Progesterone Cream

Okay, I am off to do my 15 mins and then go to bed before I can put anything else in my mouth. :-)

I may not have any readers left. I failed AGAIN. How many times can you fail in one blog? I have not updated in months because nothing I had to say would have helped anyone. My life blew up in my face. I fell into old habits and I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose. This has to be about the 3rd or 4th time this has happened. I am embarrassed. I am tired of it. I can’t live my life like this anymore. As I contemplated what I should do, so many options swirled in my head. I didn’t want to talk about it until I was sure what I wanted to do. Now, I am completely sure. This will be my last attempt at natural weight loss. I will give it all I have for another year of my life. I am turning 30 in August. My life is flying by faster than I thought possible. I have spent most of this life fat. Although I have not been completely unhappy and have had my share of joys in life, I have always been held back. And I do mean ALWAYS. When I think about getting to the end of my life and thinking about how I lived up to only 1/3 of my potential because I never got my weight under control, it makes me sick. What a waste. Life is such a precious gift. I will not waste it.

If I can not lose at least 60 pounds this year getting me under 300, I will have gastric bypass surgery next year. I have thought about surgery off and on through the years and ultimately always decided against it. I am not a big fan of medical intervention unless it is the last resort and prefer to do things naturally. I would hear about the vitamin absorption issues and health problems and didn’t want to take the risks. However, I am at such a high risk for so many diseases at my current weight, and I am not able to live life to the fullest. If I have the surgery and I have some issues, can it really be worse that where I am today? I am not so sure anymore.

My plan, starting Monday 2/1/10 is this:
1800-1600 calories a day of fruits, veggies, lean protein, and whole grain carbohydrates. I will limit my carbohydrates and not eat any past lunch. I will make the bulk of my diet fruits and veggies. I will focus on getting the most nutrition out of every calorie. I will not eat any fake foods. I will not eat pre packaged foods. I will not eat highly processed foods. I will nourish my body. I will cut out all soda. (even diet) I will drink only water and tea.

In past weight loss attempts have made it very clear that my metabolism is slower than it should be. I must build as much muscle as I can. I must make exercise a very important part of my plan. Without it, I will never increase my metabolic rate. If I do not increase my metabolism, I will not meet my goals and will never be able to maintain a healthier weight. For Christmas my husband got P90X. He asked for it and is excited to use it. My husband is in WAY better shape than I am. He has worked out 3-5 days a week the entire time I have known him. (over 7 years) He is still about 50 pounds overweight, but he is strong and very fit for his weight. I know I may have to work up to doing the full DVD’s but I am going to try them. The people we know that have truly stuck with them have lost a lot of weight. I am going to be doing one P90X dvd every morning M-F(30-60mins). I will be doing bike rides (30mins) in the evening M-F. I will be using the elliptical machine (30-60mins) on Sat & Sun. I have done a schedule similar to this in the past. The first few weeks are hard. I will have to work up to the higher times, however after a month I felt amazing when I was this active. I believe it must be done, and I will be better for it.

This is it. I have little less than a year to change my life. I cannot fail.