I debated whether or not to blog about this at all. It is very personal and I haven't discussed it with many people in my life. However I figured I should be as authentic as possible so why not? Besides, this blog is anonymous and wasn't the point of that so I can be honest?
I don't know if my hubby has been watching too much Dr. Phil or what but he brought something up this week that I had never thought about before. We were looking at some old photo albums and he noticed I starting gaining a lot of weight in 1995. I was always little chubby but I didn't start packing it on until then. Then he asked, isn't that the year you were raped?
When I was 14 I was raped. I have never really correlated it with my weight gain before. I am still not sure it has anything to do with it. However, my hubby wants me to go to counseling. He says he has seen me use food as a coping mechanism and thinks it may have started with the rape. I truly feel like I have moved past it and rarely think about it anymore. I guess there is a possibility that subconsciously it affects me. I can't see any harm in talking to someone about it. So I made an appointment to with a psychologist. Maybe she can help me with my emotional eating, even if it has nothing to do with being raped.
I have noticed that I can be on a roll, eating well, exercising, feeling great, but then something will happen in my life that I have trouble handling and I completely fall off the wagon. This of course is not the only reason for my weight gain but it has been a large contributor. I just feel if I never get to the bottom of it, my weight loss will never be permanent.
Even if you feel like you're over it, it seems like a big coincidence that you started gaining weight at just that time. I hope it helps you. Even if it turns out it has nothing to do with that, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to have someone to talk your problems through with.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to agree with the first commenter. I am also hoping this will help you - in whichever way that may be.
ReplyDeleteI agree with previous posters. It can't hurt and it might help. hey, we can start seeing our psychologists at the same time, how's that for motivation.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so very sorry to hear that you were raped as a child. What a horrible thing to happen to anybody. I don't think it's a coincidence at all that it marks the time when you started to gain weight. If you're fat then nobody will notice you, in a sexual way, right, and there is no reason to fear another beastly attack on your body and soul? Or at least that's one way of thinking about it. You may not have been packing on the pound consciously but I bet it has a big, big "to do" with it.
i was assaulted when i was 19 and at my thinnest. i gained 80 pounds by the time i turned 22. and i've lost 70 since i've been in therapy.
ReplyDeleteso, basically what i'm saying is: can't hurt, might help.
i really did think i was *over* it. i'm so sorry that happened to you.