I find myself constantly making up for being fat. In my mind I am the fat one so I have to be useful in come other way.
I am the fat girl so I have to look perfect all the time. I must always wear make up. I must always have my nails done. I must always have nice clothes and good hair. I must always smell great.
I am the fat friend so I have to be the sweetest one. The most helpful one. The friend you can lean on. I have to win you over with my wit and charm because I turn you off with my blubber at first glance. I must bend over backwards and never cause any tension. I am not allowed to speak my feelings if I don't agree with you. After all fat friend opinions just don't matter as much.
I am the fat student so I must be the smartest. I must study the most. I must get the best grades and write the best papers. I must get involved in everything.
I am the fat employee so I make sure I am worth my weight in gold to my boss. I go the extra mile. I am the one who stays late. I am the one that takes on the more challenging projects. I am the one doing extra work and helping my co-workers.
I have found I can not say no to people. I know now that this is because I am trying to find my self worth externally because I don't like who I am. I figure other people won't like me ether, unless I am beneficial to them. I have to constantly fight the stereo type that I am a lazy idiot who sits home on weekends at eats a pack of cookies in a sitting. I fight the stereo type that I am dirty, unkempt and uneducated. My weight is always on my mind. I think of it more than I think about my husband, my job, or my passions in life. I am constantly making up for the fat.