Surviving Thanksgiving

My parents and the in-laws both live near by. Its a wonderful set up really because I love having big family gatherings and am glad I get to see them all so often. Hubby and I also have the pleasure of eating two thanksgivings every year. This means double the pumpkin pie, double the mashed potatoes, double the leftovers and double the weight gain every year. The first year hubby and I were together we were so full we got sick, after both dinners! The second year I abstained from eating anything but turkey and veggies...a couple days after thanksgiving I felt so deprived I made us our own thanksgiving dinner and ate it all. Finally the voice of reason won out this year: eat whatever you want at each thanksgiving but only take a small spoonful. I must say it sounds good in theory but when the delicious thanksgiving dinner is staring you in the face it is harder to take a small helping. As I moved through each buffet line I just kept telling myself that I could always go back for more if I wasn't satisfied. Of course once I ate the entire plate of mini-servings I was still a little hungry but I decided to wait 10 minutes before digging in again. By the end of the 10 minute wait, I feel fine. Not hungry at all. This is the first year I won the battle. As everyone at the table loosened their belts and groaning from being over stuffed I felt great. I still ate more than I needed for sure, but I did ward off many extra calories and didn't gain an ounce. If only I can live every day this way.

I am so thankful for each of you. Your support and encouragement are so appreciated. We will do this together. I hope you all had a lovely holiday.


She may not be Jillian Michaels, but she's mine for 12 weeks!

So, I get called to the HR Directors office a couple days ago. I went over there not knowing what to expect. Its like being called to the principals office. I racked my brains to figure out what I could have done wrong! When I walked in the first think she said was "Don't worry, this is a good visit, at least I hope it will be!" (Just to give you a mental picture of my HR director she is the peppiest, cutest little blond in the world. People don't usually know how to take crazy amount of energy and optimism. But, some think she is evil, this is because she is kind of like the office police and has to give out punishments and bad news.) What she had to say was so touching to me. She said that after the whole ordeal Hubby and I had to go through with Biggest Loser she was devastated for me. She knew how much we wanted it and hated that hubby's job took the opportunity from me. She said how much she valued me as a person and employee. She said she really wanted to give me a little some thing to encourage me. So, she took the rest of the HR budget for the year and asked if she could buy me 12 weeks of personal training. I held back tears. How incredibly thoughtful of her. She didn't have to care. It is not like we were close or anything. It was such an unexpected blessing. I can't wait to start with a trainer. I do very well when I have direction. I hope I can learn a lot from her. I am going to go for a consultation soon and will start training in January after the holiday rush. She may not be Jillian Michaels, but she's mine!


Is moving a work out?

I am completely exhausted. I spent all weekend helping my sister in law move in to her knew place. We had a lot of fun moving furniture, unpacking boxes, and decorating. I had to have burned tons-o-calories! We barely even had time to eat. But, she is all moved in and very happy. More next week...


A cool tool...

I found this great weight loss tool on....its not a shake, an exercise gadget or a pill....its a website called www.weightview.com You can send in a picture of yourself and let them know you want to lose 5, 10, or 20 plus pounds and they will send your picture back showing what you may look like after you lose the weight. It is awesome as a motivator and for the very curious. I realize if you are already a pro at photo shop you can do this your self but for people like me its an wonderful FREE service. Check it out.


Meet our new baby!

She's finally here, our new baby. I know she is just a machine but I feel we should name her. How about Moxie. Moxie and I will be spending tons of time together. My first work out session is tonight and I am so excited about it. I felt like wrapping her up with a red ribbon and cutting it with a giant pair of scissors while on lookers cheered. I wanted to break a bottle on champagne on her to wish us luck on her maiden voyage. But, instead I am going to jump on tonight and pedal into the night for at least an hour. This is a tool that I have wanted and need for a while. Moxie and I are going to be a winning team.


So what am I going to do about it?

So, I am going to start again, a new fresh weight loss journey. I am not even going to think about my failures except to learn from them. The work out room is almost complete and I am really excited about it. The elliptical machine will be delivered Wednesday and then the room will be open for business, and I mean serious business. How many people are blessed enough to have a home gym!?!? I need to make the most of this, I intend to use it every single day. No more excuses. There is not a day that goes by that I can't do something, even if it is 15 mins. My hope is to do 20-30 mins in the morning and 20-30 mins at night to start. I want to switch my exercise routine up every time but I want to constantly do at least half of my workout time on the elliptical machine. I have been reading a lot about interval training and I plan to incorporate that philosophy.
As far as eating is concerned...I know what to eat and what not to eat. I want to continue drinking my cinch breakfast smoothies. They were delicious and way filling. I need to be smart about lunch. This is often the time of day I get tripped up. There is always so much food in office. People will be ordering pizza, Chinese, there is cake in here every week. I need to pre-plan my lunches and snacks. I want to focus on fruit and salads. You can make so many different variations of salads and its pretty easy. I just need to make sure I get to the grocery store twice a week to keep fresh produce in the house at all times. Dinner is my easiest meal as I know a lot of healthy recipes and in a pinch I can grill up fish or chicken and sauté veggies. Its the after dinner munchies I always battle. I think I am going to try and go to bed earlier to ward this night time eating off. If I absolutely must have something I will try and have a piece of fruit or a cup of milk. (Even though I usually crave chips or ice cream, even when I buy the healthy kind, it just doesn't help my dieting efforts.

Mentally I need to just refocus. Think about why I want to lose this weight once and for all. I can never stop fighting for my health. This is a most worthy battle and I can win it.

My short term goal: To be under 300 pounds by my 28th birthday August 21st, 2008.


Repercussions of trying out for biggest loser.

So, where am I at now? I'm fat. I know was fat before, but I am fatter. Actually I am right back where I started January 2007 at the frightening weight of 360. I worked so hard to get down to 324...which was my low this time around. How did I blog my way back up to 360 again? Well, I know it started after Stacy's wedding...I stopped exercising as frequently and went into a little depression mode in which I ate too much. And then with the biggest loser thing in August, I know I let myself go. I exercised to get build up my endurance for the show but I basically was eating whatever I wanted. I don't know if it was because I figured I should eat it now because after the biggest loser I couldn't any more or what but I do know it was a big FAT mistake.


Biggest Loser: A New Ending.

Well in the last two week I have had: a twisted ankle, my brother joined the army, my work load doubled as I took on 30 new accounts, my good friend was rejected from the school of her dreams, my other good friend got pregnant unexpectedly much to her shock and dismay, I caught a raging cold complete with cough , had many home improvement issues and pains, I have been having panic attacks and much much more. Lets just say life has not been boring around here. Half the time I felt I was in a poorly written drama. Thank God I have an amazing support system or I would have lost my mind.

Aside from all that lets talk about the most interesting thing that happened on my vacation. While we away we had a great time with friends that I definitely don't get to see enough. We spent a few days in Connecticut which was gorgeous, and then a couple days at our friends home in NYC before heading back to Florida. We got to enjoy the weather, nature, a wine tasting, dinner on the roof, s'mores, being tourists, great conversation, and more.

The last night we were in NYC we spent the night in. We ordered fabulous Greek take out and settled for a night of hanging out. Because we are all Biggest Loser fans, we decided to watch while we ate. about half way through the show hubby's phone rang, it was in the back bedroom so we ignored it. Then my phone started to ring a few moments later. I let it go to voice mail. During a commercial break I went over to see who called. My heart skipped a beat as I saw it was a 310 area code which is for Los Angeles. I pressed the voicemail button and held my breath. The message said " Hi, this is Lucy from Biggest Loser, I have a question to ask you can you call me back as soon as possible." I walked into the living room and said in a dazed shocked tone "The biggest loser just called us." (While we were watching the biggest loser, HOW FREAKING IRONIC?!?!?) My friends in a flurry on comments told us to call them back right away. Hubby and I went into the back bedroom and I dialed the number as I began to shake. Lucy said one of the finalist had fallen through and they wanted us to come out to LA ASAP. I didn't know what to say. I knew deep down inside we couldn't go but I could not bring my self to say no. I told her we were in NYC visiting friends at the moment but we were leaving in the morning. I asked if I could call her back in a couple hours. She gave me her personal cell number and asked me to try and call as soon as we can. We went back out to the living room to tell our friends what was going on. The reaction they gave was not what I thought. They all thought Hubby should just quit his job and we should just go for it, after all it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. WOW. I had never felt so conflicted in my life. I felt like I was going to throw up. Hubby work so hard to get his job. It was what he always wanted. He was hired out of 400 people who applied. It is one of the few jobs left that gives a pension, and as a public servant, you don't make a ton of money so the pension is so valuable. Also we had been told by HR that if you leave the Department you can not ever be re-hired, even if you left on good terms, it was just the rules. My friends were trying to help but their words wounded me. They said I was way too cautious. That I wouldn't get anything out of life unless I took risks. That Hubby and I could just move to a different city after the show and get new jobs. It was all to much for me. I had just come to terms with the fact we were not going to be on the show and now I had the opportunity but I couldn't do it. Everything was happening so fast. We thought about calling hubby's chief at home and begging. But they had already said no, Three times! I retreated to the roof for a good cry and a call to my mom. She was pained but this as much as I was. She knew how much I had wanted this and how painful it was the first time I had to mourn the loss. Doing it twice was a cruel joke. My friend came up to comfort me. She said she was sorry if they had kind of ganged up on me. They just wanted me to have the experience so badly. Then my husband came up to talk to me. He said he would totally quit his job if that's what I wanted. (But I knew it was not what he wanted.) We talked a little while and I knew what I had to do. I called Lucy and told her everything. That we wanted to go more than anything but Shawn's work never gave him the full go ahead. I told her we still could head out to LA if she wanted while we negotiated with his employer from there but there was no guarantee. She was great about it, even sad for us. I tried to throw in that we should be the "special surprise contestants" who compete from home. She laughed and said she would have to pass and go to the next person on the list. So I guess that is the new ending for our biggest loser story. I thought I should share it.