Auto Pilot

I have been super busy, friends in town, lots of projects at work, but guess what? I am doing well. I think I am finally back on auto pilot. I am making good choices. I have a lost a few pounds. I feel in control again. I actually feel amazing.

I still have not gotten back to counting calories, and I know that is why I haven't lost more weight, but its one step at a time, and I think I have taken a giant step foward.



Today is my 29th birthday. I used to love my birthday. Now I hate it. It reminds me of what I was supposed to accomplish by now but haven't. It reminds me that my dream of being a mother before 30 is never going to happen.

However, I can't change the past, I can only change the future. I must move forward.


Commitments and Couches

My first two days back on track have been surprisingly great. I feel better when I am eating healthy foods. (Why do I ever stop???) I am drinking more water, and have re-hydrated. I am back to taking my supplements. I feel like I am back in control. I love knowing what I am going to eat next instead of wondering which emotional craving I will give into next. It is empowering. I don't think they have wi-fi in the hotel we will be in the rest of the week, so you may not hear from me until next week.

Upsetting side note: I was asked by my father today not to sit on their new couch because he thought I would break it seeing as it was not made for someone like me. OUCH!

I wasn't even gonna write about it but I am all about being authentic and sharing the true life of a fat girl. There you go folks!



I had a party on Friday night at my home. I gathered up all the food and drinks in the house that were not beneficial to getting back on plan. We had a great time and my house if free of that bad snack food that had snuck in over the last few months.

Yesterday, I made a menu plan for next week. I am off to the store today to buy mostly fresh fruits, fresh veggies, lean meats, chicken and fish. I have everything planned out, even my two snacks a day. Next week I will focus on eating healthy but I will not count calories. When I try to change everything at once, I am usually overwhelmed and often fail. If I know during my transition we I have healthy food to eat, but can eat however much I want it helps me stay on track. Next week I will go back to measuring portions and counting calories. I will start out eating 2000 calories a day and will drop it every week by 100 calories until I get to 1600.

As for exercise, I am appalled by the fact I have not stepped foot on my bike or elliptical machine for 6 weeks. I am blessed to have these tools at my disposal and should never let a week go by without using them. My new rule for myself. If I don't exercise in a day, I can't watch TV. I often say I am too tired or too busy for exercise. However, I find a way to watch at least one to two hours of TV everyday. So, I can choose not to exercise if I don't want to, but that means no TV for the day. I have a feeling I will be squeezing at least 30 mins into my schedule again.

I am headed over to Sanibel Island Tuesday with my parents and little sister. we are renting a condo with a kitchen so it should be pretty easy to eat well. We are bringing our bikes with us and every day will include many walks on the beach. I'll be back on the 17th. Have fun wrapping up your summer too!


Wake up call...how did I forget?

My husband is a firefighter/paramedic here in south Florida. He is a hero in my book. He does what I could never do. Emergency situations scare the heck out of me but he snaps to action to save as many people as possible. Every once in a while he comes home with a story or two that really affects him. Its hard to see him in pain because he lost a patient or didn't get the fire out in time.
He came home a couple days ago and I could tell it was a rough shift. When I asked about it I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. He was called to a home where a woman collapsed. When he got there he found a hysterical mother scared for her daughter. He soon found her daughter was having a heart attack. On the way to the hospital she died. There was nothing they could do. Its sad when you lose ANY patient but this one hit close to home for him. She was only 33, beautiful, successful, and morbidly obese. She had so much life left to live but her heart couldn't take it anymore. My husband is deathly afraid this could happen to me.
Once my lifestyle changes fell apart in January of this year I kinda just fell off the wagon again. I struggled to get back up but couldn't find the motivation. I thought to myself: I am fat, I will never be thin and pretty, it is just not my lot in life. Oh well, at least I have a great life, husband and family. I will just stay fat.
When did I forget to should have little to do with being thin and pretty. In all reality this IS a matter of life and death. What is the point in having a great life if you have it cut short due to something you CAN change?