Time is flying...

Everyday is busy busy busy and and I can't believe how long its been since I last posted. It feels like yesterday. Luckily my binge was only a day long. I felt so horrible I am hoping it is a reminder not to run to food when I am stressed.

My little brother (he's 25) is a drug addict and has been causing some family drama lately. It makes me sad and angry. It definitely has the opportunity to derail my efforts but I prevailed this time. I know understand why my mom (who is thin) gained 20 pounds last time he overdosed. But, that my friends is another story.

Since we last spoke I have lost another pound. It seems 1 pound every 2 weeks is what my body is about these days. I can't imagine eating less or exercising any more without feeling completely punished. So I will keep doing what I am doing.

I only have a little under a month before I turn 28. I really wanted to be under 300 pounds. Since that is impossible I have to revise the goal. Under 340 by my birthday would be great, not as good, but I'll take it! Talk to you soon.


When will I learn!?!?!

Comfort eating never actually comforts! Instead of just being depressed and stressed I am: depressed, stressed and FAT! When will I learn!?!?!?


I'm still here...

Barely though. The last couple weeks have flown by in a flash and I won't bore you with the details but they have been less than pleasant. In fact right now I am supposed to be in the Key's with my family celebrating my little sister's 13th birthday but circumstances intervened. Grrrr!

Since we last spoke I have again lost one more pound. One. That's it.

I know, what you all want to say..."At least you are going down and not up" "A pound is a pound" ect. ect. ect.

I try to say it to myself but its truly very hard. I am not giving up no matter what but these are the thoughts that plague me:
If it is taking me up to two weeks to lose 1 pound now, when I am working my butt off and eating like a champion, while I am 5'7'' and still over 300 pounds, while I am very focused and have not faltered...what kind of hell is ahead of me???

Typically weight loss is supposed to be faster at first, then as you lose you have to get more strict and more serious to lose BUT I am giving it my all now. *Sigh*

Someone said to me recently, why does it matter how long it takes you as long as you are losing?

That's easy to say but when you can't even see results on a scale every week it is super hard to stay positive. Also, at this rate I it will take me about 4 years to get down to the weight I need to be for them to even THINK helping me get pregnant. I will still be about 50 pounds overweight at that point.

I want to keep believing that my body is going to kick into gear if I keep pushing on through.