Going with the flow

In my last entry I talked about things I was not doing that many experts tell you to do. Here are a few things they tell you that I feel are very valuable to me.

You have heard it before and you will hear it again, never skip breakfast, and for me it is something I must follow. I have not followed this rule in the past and I know I paid for it. I am just not that hungry in the morning so I often skipped breakfast to save calories. However I very rarely could stop myself from over eating later in the day. I am still not much of a breakfast person and am truly not that hungry when I wake up still, but I force myself to have something anyway, and it really helps! I am much more in control of what I eat later, and my blood sugar seems to stay stable.

With exercise I have always thought, get it in whenever and wherever you can. I still feel this is the case. It used to tick me off when I heard experts say that exercising in the morning maybe more beneficial. I am not a morning person and could not imagine hoping out of bed to vigorously exercise. I knew it was a calorie burned whether I exercised at 6am or 11pm, so what gives? I started doing my main workout in the morning anyway and I see why it is encouraged. I have more energy all day. I can check it off my list first thing, so no matter what the rest of the day brings me, I know I got my exercise in. Some also say you burn more calories all day long; this may or may not be true, I am not sure, but if so I will take it!!

Drink your water! I know you hear it again and again. I used to drink a lot of diet iced tea and diet soda as my main beverages. When I heard my doctor say he wanted me to try and only drink water and one unsweetened tea a day I thought I would be miserable, and I was…at first. Now I enjoy drinking my water. I definitely think I was/am one of those people who confuse the signals for hunger and thirst. Now that I have my water intake up, I am less hungry and get full faster. Even if you hate water and have to flavor it with crystal light, keep sipping those fluids.

The one thing I am on the fence about is weighing. Many sources say to only weigh in once a week instead of everyday. I see pros and cons to this theory. I know weighing daily take s mental toll on many people. I know I have stressed myself out over my daily weight shooting up after I seemingly did nothing wrong. It takes a while to get used to seeing normal fluctuations on the scale. I have gotten to the place where I can ignore it. If I gain 3 pounds overnight, I know it is not fat, it is probably water. I like to weigh myself everyday. It helps to keep me in check. If for some reason I am eating too much and the scale is having an upward trend and not just an upward day or two, I like to catch it early and adjust my eating. How do you guys feel? Do you weight everyday? Why or why not?


Being Real

I am not perfect. This is the first time in the last 2 months I have eaten something that I shouldn't have. I ate a christmas brownie. It had to have had a ton of sugar and a billion calories.

But you know what, it was yummy! What is done is done but I am not letting it slow me down. Back on track tomorrow. In the past this would have derailed me, but hey this is real life, there will be brownies every now and then.

Merry Chistmas!

Peace, love, and joy to you all!


Offical Weigh In

Down 3.5 more pounds!! My new weight is 316; I have lost 46 pounds from my highest weight and 29 pounds in the last 9.5 weeks! J

The next week is going to be the hardest week yet. I have many celebrations coming up including a Christmas Eve party, Christmas day which is full of food and New Years Eve which has always included a lot of drinking. My sister in law is already pouting about me not slinging them back with her at the party. To be honest I am a little disappointed too. I really think getting a little tipsy is a danger zone for me right now and would only lead to over eating and blood sugar issues, so I have to be strong and abstain. What I am trying to achieve is too important. If I can make it to my next weigh in on Jan 1st without gaining, I will consider it my Christmas miracle!


Going against the Grain

I realized today that there are a couple things that a lot of diet experts tell you to do that I am not doing. I seem to have more success doing the opposite.

The first thing is eating every 2-3 hours. I am a rule follower most of the time and all the other times I have tried to lose weight I did live by this rule. This time I realized that when I ate snacks or mini meals I was eating too much and it often lead to grazing. I am not good at the mini portions. When it is time to eat, I wanted something more substantial. I can also say when I was eating mini meals in the past I did not see an increase in my metabolism, and that was the main reason I wanted to do mini-meals every few hours. I am now eating about every 5 hours…three meals a day and it seems to be working better for me.

Secondly I do not do low fat or fat free. Granted I do not use huge portions of these things but I use full fat mayo, salad dressing, milk, yogurt, ect. I also have been eating avocados, nuts and other healthy fats. I also eats eggs, with the yolks thank you! They have been keeping me full and more satisfied. Some diet gurus are so calorie focused that they recommend the low fat or fat free options. However, when I go the fat free route I am just left unfulfilled. When I eat fats I don’t feel deprived. Eating a smaller portion of full fat mayo is much more enjoyable and satisfying than a double portion of fat free.

I am in no way saying that this is the way to go for everyone. I have heard many people say that the mini-meals and low fat options have helped them. I am no expert and would never say my way is the only way. Although, I can say, this seems to be the only way to go for me.


Offical Weigh In

I pinched myself this morning to see if I was dreaming or if I really did have another successful weight loss week. Yippee, I was awake, but my arm hurts a little from all that pinching. I haven’t been on a roll like this for so long. The day to day is not easy but when I get results it is so much easier to stay motivated. I am 3 pounds down from last week. My new weight is 319.5; this means I have lost 42.5 pounds from my highest weight ever and 25.5 pounds in the last 8.5 weeks. Yes, I feel empowered.


Learning to be Selfish

I haven’t been living for myself for so long, I barely remember how. I have basically been a yes woman since I was a teenager. I never want to trouble you. I never want to make too many waves. I now have to learn how to be a little selfish. I know it sounds bad but being selfish is not always a bad thing. Not being selfish enough has been partly the reason for my weight loss failures. Instead of hurting Grandma’s feelings I smile and have the pecan pie she wants me to eat. Instead of speaking up when lunch plans are made I go to the pizza place when I know I shouldn't eat pizza. When I friend begs me to go shopping Thursday night when I know I have my workout schedule I say yes to the shopping anyway because I don’t want her to have to go alone. I'm scared to order my salad with no croutons, no bacon bits, no cheese, extra chicken, and dressing on the side because I don't want to annoy the waitress. The different scenarios could go on and on.

I am saying “No” to people now. I am saying “Yes” to myself and my goals. This is a time for me to focus on me. I have to make work outs and healthy eating my top priorities over the feelings of others in my life. Honestly it felt really bad to do it the first couple times. My friends and family seemed shocked that I stuck to my guns. I don’t want to ever go overboard and be completely self centered. I know that there are still important people in my life that I will take time out for, but I need to be wiser about it.


Offical Weigh In

I am delighted to say I have lost weight this week. Since the long plateau, I keep thinking another one is just around the corner, but I seem to be losing steadily. (At last!) Since last Wednesday I lost 2.5 pounds. I now weigh 322.5, have lost 39.5 pounds from my highest weight ever and 22.5 pounds in the last 7.5 weeks. For once, my goal of being less than 300 pounds is feeling like a reality. I want this so badly and I am willing to kick ass to get there!


Is a thinner wallet making you fatter?

On the Today Show a couple days ago one of the on air nutritionist’s did a piece on the economy and how it has or will affect our waist lines and it got me thinking. I brought it up with co-workers the next day and one said “I guess everyone will get thinner because they have to buy less food.” That’s one theory, however I tend to agree more with the Today Show nutritionist who said that people are just going to buy cheaper food such as fast food, and food they can stretch which is mostly non-nutritious carbs. You can feed a lot more people for a lot less money if you give them Kraft Mac-n-Cheese instead of grilled chicken and veggies. In fact will most businesses reporting loss after loss, the fast food industry is seeing growth. In McDonald’s case it was reported they grew 11% last quarter. People are even more attracted than ever to that dollar menu. When you are worried about feeding your kids, I doubt you think too much about the nutritional facts.

Also, I thought about how stressed everyone is about the economy. Not only do they want cheaper food, but maybe comforting food. I for one know when I am down and out I have definitely turned to a bowl of ice cream or piece of pizza for comfort. Hey, if you don’t drink, grab a couple hamburgers to numb the pain.

I can honestly I am still spending a lot of food. I am buying mostly organic which has upped my bill. I am buying lots of fresh berries, veggies, eggs, cheese, raw milk, chicken, fish, and lean steak. I used to use rice, pasta, or bread as fillers in my meals to make them cheaper, but now I fill up on the most expensive ingredients organic lean protein and veggies. We have had to slash our budget because of the economy but high quality food could not be one of the line items slashed. Instead we choose to use less money on entertainment & eating out. My health is just too important to me now and I blessed to still be able to afford the food I should be eating.

What is happening in your household? Have your grocery shopping habits changed? Do you think you will have to change them in the near future if things don’t turn around?


Offical Weigh In

As of this morning I weight 325. I broke the plateau and have been slowly losing ever since, even some during thanksgiving which has never ever happened before. So, I have lost 37 pounds from my highest weight ever and 20 pounds in the last 6.5 weeks. The short term goal I am looking most forward to is getting under 300 pounds. I have been talking about it for the past 2 years on this blog but have never been close. I know this is the time I will achieve it. I would love to make it before my next check up with the endocrinologist which is Feb 17th. I will have to ramp up some speed if I want to make it.


Creating an Arsenal

If you have been reading this blog long, you know that I have had several failed weight loss attempts. Today I was trying to think of the biggest reasons why I failed and I found one that seemed to be most common. I started to lose control when I wasn’t prepared and didn’t plan ahead. Let’s face it, there are going to be days that I run into problems. Plans won’t always go how I would like, and things will slip through the cracks. Usually the thing that I have trouble with the most is packing lunches. It is my least favorite meal mostly because I can cook anything here at work, so I can barely even bring leftovers unless I want to eat it cold. Most mornings I through together a chicken salad or tuna and veggies, but other times I run out the door and forget to pack something. There are a couple restaurants near my work that have healthy choices and in one case even organic. However I am trying to avoid eating out, so I created an arsenal of healthy foods to keep at work that I can grab at a moments notice at work in case of forgot my lunch or am feeling tempted. I actually had to use one today when my co-worker was trying to push cookies in my face. I had some dried berries instead.

My Arsenal:

Organic Soup

Raw Almonds

Organic Dried Fruit

Organic Food Bars

Protein Powder Mix

Organic Cheese Sticks

What would you or do you keep in yours to keep you on track?


Surviving Thanksgiving Overload

Well, I did it. I ate 4 thanksgivings in over a weeks time and I did not gain weight, in fact I lost a little. (I will not post my weight until I officially weigh in on Thursday.) There were a bunch of ways I had to choose from to handle this not very diet friendly holiday. I chose the a couple of strategies to get me through...here they are:

1) I slept in on the days I had a thanksgiving. Why? Because sleeping in helped me have breakfast later in the day, which kept me satisfied until the 4'o clock dinners. That way I only ate two meals but wasn't hungry and had extra calories to spend on Thanksgiving food.
2) I did an hour on the elliptical each morning and pushed myself really hard to burn extra calories.
3) I filled my plate mostly with turkey and veggies. I did have a couple tablespoons of stuffing and sweet potato...but skipped the mashed potatoes, bread, and dessert.
4) I did a 30 min bike ride in the evening. It was fun and burned even more calories.

However, I think the biggest key to success was planning ahead and knowing that failure is not an option. Thank God I will only have two Christmas dinners to go to!!


Happy Thanksgiving!

Just wanted to pop in really quick and wish you all a happy thanksgiving! More soon, once I have finished digesting all these turkey dinners.


Four Thanksgivings and a Funeral

Everyone knows this is the hardest time of the year to try and lose weight, yet I am trying it again this year. Halloween was easy to get through, sure we had extra treats at the office and my sister wanted to share her candy but I was able to pass it up rather easily. Now, I am looking in to the face of four thanksgiving meals in the next week and I am getting scared. It was been so hard for me to lose weight and I do not want to pedal backwards. I also don’t want to sit on the sidelines and not participate in one of my favorite times of the year. I love everything about it. I love the time with loved ones, the old family recipes, sharing what I am thankful for, setting a beautiful fall table, and of course: the food. Here is the scary T-Day schedule:

Saturday 11/22: My family Thanksgiving (My brother is going to his girlfriends house in NY for thanksgiving so we are having ours early)
Monday 11/24: The office Pot Luck Thanksgiving ( I work for a nutritional company and they are even bring in an organic turkey!)
Thursday 11/27: My Hubby’s Family Thanksgiving (The food is fabulous but there really are not ANY healthy options here!)
Saturday 11/29: Our Friends Thanksgiving (They both have to work Thanksgiving Day at the hospital and they don’t have any family near so they invited their friends.)

(Oh, and the funeral might be for me if I let myself gain weight this holiday season!)

I can see a few ways that I can handle this. I am not sure which way to go yet.

A) I can eat before all these events and skip the food.
B) I can bring my own food to the events and eat with my friends and family but not the food they offer.
C) I can eat just the turkey and veggies at these events.
D) I can eat a very small portion of whatever I want to eat so I feel a part of it.
E) I can eat whatever I want, it is thanksgiving after all!

How do I survive? What do you guys think?


I want the facts, and just the facts!


The link above is to an article I was reading discussing mandating calorie counts on menus at restaurants. The article talks about whether or not it would help fight obesity or people will just eat what they want anyway. I say: WHO CARES, we deserve to have the information and know the truth ether way. Some of us will continue to eat what we like no matter the consequences and some of us will use it as a valuable tool to take control of our healthy and weight when dining out.

I know that eating out is always very hard for me. Unless I get plain grilled chicken or fish with steamed veggies or a garden salad with light dressing it is hard to estimate how many calories a dish has in it. Even when something sounds like a healthier choice, sometimes it is not.

I will be elated if the government makes this a law. Please get us the information we need to make good choices if we want to.


Christmas came early this year!

I have been trying to get in as much exercise as possible. I have been using my beloved elliptical machine twice a day while watching TV. However, I really craved some outdoor time. I hate walking alone and running at my weight is out of the question. Last time I tried it my knees started getting pretty injured.

I was at my parents house a few weeks ago and my little sister was in the front yard riding on her bike. It clicked for me; I used to love riding a bike but hadn’t been on one since high school. My sister had gotten a new bike for her birthday in August and I asked if I could ride around with her on her old bike. She was delighted to have the company and I was delighted to get some exercise that was fun. The only sad part was her bike was too small for me, so it was a little uncomfortable to ride therefore we didn’t go very far. Even so, I rode around a bit every day with her for a couple of weeks.

When I got to my parents house on day after work to ride I went into the garage and saw a brand new bike with a ribbon on it! I turned and saw my mom smiling from ear to ear. “Merry Christmas!” my mom and sister yelled. My mom saw me loving the biking and felt bad the bike was too small so she convinced my dad it was a good idea to get me my own bike and give it to me early.

It is an awesome bike, so comfortable and very well built. At first I was feeling strange about being a 300+ girl on a bike riding through the neighborhood. I have gotten a few stares, but I don’t care. People can get over it. I am sure I do look funny.

I feel blessed my family is so freaking awesome! I have been going on a bike ride almost every evening since I got the bike 2 weeks ago. Hubby pushes me to do intervals on it so I can burn more calories. My parent’s neighborhood is perfect for biking, as it has great scenery and huge bike paths. I want to get up to 20 miles so I can go with my family next year to Shark Valley in the Everglades.

My exercise routine as of now is as follows:

AM Mon-Sat: 30-60 mins on the elliptical.
PM Mon-Thu plus Sat& Sun: Biking 30-60 mins
Tuesday, Thursday, & Saturday: Weight Training


Hamster on a Wheel

The other day I was sitting watching my little sister’s hamster. Being that they are nocturnal she sleeps all day and gets up around 8pm. The first thing she does when she wakes up is get in her little wheel and run her little heart out for a while. She will take a break to eat and drink but then it is back to the wheel. She is running about half the time she is awake. I thought it is amazing that she just knows she needs to run, she just has to be active.

You see this with children as well. I see many frazzled parents taking there kids to the playground to get all the excess energy out. It seems they never stop moving and are doing it happily so. If we were born with this drive to move, this drive to be active, where did I lose it? Why do I have to make myself exercise? Why to I have to trick myself into being more active. Shouldn’t I be craving the movement and activity like that child or little hamster. No one has to tell them to get up off the couch and go for a walk.

Where did I lose this drive? Did I drown it in junk food and chemicals? Is it physiological? Is it the desk job I have had for 6 years now? Is it because I would just rather be entertained? After all, we now live in a world of so much technology and toys to distract us. I am sure it is probably a combination of all of them.

As I force myself to exercise every morning and evening, I hope that maybe as I lose weight and continue to eat right maybe, just maybe that drive to be active will return. Then I can say “I get to exercise yay!”


New Course of Action

So, a lot of time has past since I have spoken of what I am doing lately. This is because for a while there I was doing about as well as a dog chasing its own tail.

I got down to 338, painfully slowly. Even though I was doing all the “right” things, such as eating only lower glycemic things, exercising 30 mins every morning, staying under 1600 calories a day, and taking my new meds. According to the numbers I should have easily been losing 2 pounds a week, but aside from the first couple weeks, I lost about .25 or .5 pounds a week. It was very frustrating. When we got back from vacation, despite trying eat as healthy as possible and walking a ton, I gained 3 pounds and was back to 341. DEPRESSING!

I got into a bad mind set and felt like I would never win the weight loss game, so I screwed up and started eating what I wanted for a few weeks. That got me back up to 345. My mom insisted on taking me to a holistic endocrinologist who had studied PCOS. Begrudgingly, I went at the end of October. I didn’t know what else to do. He shared with me that he thinks along with PCOS, many people suffer from Metabolic Resistance. He also said although I am doing the all the right things, I needed to be even stricter with myself because it was going to be tough to reverse some of the issues keeping me fat. He did say weight loss will come but the first couple of months were going to be rough.

It left me wishing for plain old vanilla obesity and not this extra fun version tied to my hormones with a dollop of metabolic resistance on top. A lot of what he told me makes sense, and what have I got to lose? Nothing else was working so I am giving his suggestions a go. Here are the specifics:

1) Eat Organic as much as possible. ($$)
2) Avoid all artificial sweeteners, preservatives, and chemicals. (No more diet soda! Crap!)
3) Avoid Sugar at all costs!! (Do you know how much secret sugar is in everything?!?!?)
4) The only fruit I can eat is berries. (Yum, thank God for this!)
5) I can eat all the vegetables I want, expect starchy ones. (I like veggies, this is cool.)
6) Use organic chicken, organic beef, and wild caught fish as main protein source. (Yum.)
7) Eat Organic Cheese and Diary 2-3 times a week, make sure it is full fat version. (He said full fat diary is more of a whole food.)
8) Increase healthy oils, organic butter, olive oil, coconut oil, avocados, ect. (I already use these, not I must buy the organic versions)
9) Eat 1800- 2000 calories a day. (Done, no problem.)
10) Absolutely no bread, rice, pasta, potatoes, or corn. (I am trying to adapt recipes to make things interesting without having these yummy things.)
11) Exercise 60 – 90 minutes a day. (WOW, this has really changed my schedule. I am going to 60 mins now, 30 in the morning and 30 at night.)

So yes, this has been HARD! I started on Monday October 20th. I lost 7 pounds the first week, and I was back down to 338. I was thrilled. The second week I lost 8 pounds and was in complete heaven. Here is where all the trouble happens. On the Monday of the third week I weighed 330. Today, 10 days later and half way through the 4th week I still weigh 330. I talked to the Doctor about it and he said to keep pushing on through, so that is what I am doing.


The fat girls guide to some of Orlando's Theme Parks 3 1/2

I forgot that we went to Sea World as well. Sea World is mostly animal exhibits so truly anyone can enjoy this park. It is one of my absolute favorites mostly because I am fascinated with marine life.

However, there are two rides there, one is called Journey to Atlantis and the other is called the Kraken. We went on Journey to Atlantis first. The ride is very similar to Splash Mountain at the Magic Kingdom. It had a bench seat built for two but Shawn and I rode as singles on separate rows so we weren't squished. It was really fun. Next we wanted to ride the Kraken. It is a very fast roller coaster with flips, twists, and turns. They had a seat out in front of the ride to see if you can fit. Sadly neither Hubby nor I could fit! My hips were too wide and his chest was to big for the harness. We had to skip it this time, but vowed to ride next year!!


The fat girls guide to some of Orlando's Theme Parks 3 of 3

Water parks are something I very much enjoyed as a child. Living in Florida meant it was water park season all year long. I have many memories of the various times my family and friends spent that day enjoying slides and wave pools. In high school once I started to gain a lot of weight I started to be made fun of for my weight. A classmate asked what I was doing over the weekend and went I told her we were headed to the water park she said “I can’t believe you walk around in a bathing suit looking like that.” I didn’t let her see it but I wanted to cry. I never went to a water park again and in fast all water related activities scared me. I usually would swim in shorts and a t-shirt to avoid being seen in a bathing suit.

When I heard we were going to Aquatica I planned on spending a low profile day clothed in shorts and a shirt pool side while hubby rode the slides I would be to big for. Once I got to the park I saw people of all shapes and sizes sporting all sorts of attire. It made me laugh. I thought about how whether you are fat or thin there are certain things you just shouldn’t wear. I also noticed that some of the “thin” people didn’t look so great and some of the “fat” ones looked just fine. After taking a first dip into the pool I my clothes were so stretched out and uncomfortable I said “Screw it, I am taking it off, and if people don’t like it they don’t have to look.”

My heart sank when we got to the Dolphin Plunge, the one ride I really wanted to go on most, and it had a sign that said the weight limit was 300 pounds. Hubby tried to get me to ride anyway saying “You don’t look over 300, and they are not going to ask your weight.” However I just couldn’t do it. I had thoughts of my enormous weight cracking the tube and them having to shut down the ride. They’d kick me out of the park and put up a sign that said “Dolphin Plunge closed due to a big fat chick breaking it.” My husband rode it and he said it was fun. The claim to fame on this ride is that part of the tube is clear and you slide through the Cameron dolphin tank. He said the ride was so fast you couldn’t even see the dolphins and he rode it twice.

Next we decided to walk over to a group riding, knowing it would have a higher weight limit. There were two rides the Walhalla Wave and HooRoo Run. Walhalla Wave had a weight limit of 800 pounds and HooRoo Run had one of 600 pounds. Hubby and I rode them together and it was fantastic! I felt the thrill of childhood come right back to me and as soon as it was over said, “We have to ride again!”

When we came to the Taumata Racer I knew I would not want to ride it whether I could or not. It was one of those rides that had a long straight down drop. It turns out the weight limit was 300 pounds so I couldn’t have anyway. Hubby rode it three times and loved it. He is the adventurous one.

The last two slides we visited were Tassie’s Twister and Whanau Way. Both slides were for single or double riders. To my delight the weight limit was 400 pounds for both. Tassie’s Twister looked a lot more fun that it actually was. If there is a long line, I recommend you skip it. The Whanau Way slide was our absolute favorite. The whole thing is completely in the dark so you never knew what was coming next. There were many twists and turns as well as a couple drops. This one was fast and really got my adrenaline going. We rode this one three times. We both agreed it was the best ride at the park.

Attractions for anyone of any shape and size to enjoy were: Loggerhead Lane (Slow Lazy River), Roa’s Rapids (Fast Lazy River), Big Surf Shores (Wave Pool), and Walkabout Waters (a water playground).

As far as eating goes at the park, if you plan to stay all day you should buy the 20.00 Banana Beach Cookout Buffet all day pass. Hubby and I ended up eating all three meals there because we came at opening and stayed until closing. We mainly bought it because we looked at the menus and most single dining options were at least 10 bucks plus drinks and that is just for one meal. Besides, hubby and I drink a lot especially when we are walking around. We didn’t want to be buying 3 dollar drinks all day. The breakfast options were: bagels, croissants, pastries, cereal, bananas and yogurt. I had a banana, yogurt, and OJ. For lunch and dinner they had: Grilled Chicken, Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Fruit Salad, Watermelon, Cole Slaw, Pasta Salad, Caesar Salad, Rice, Mac & Cheese, brownies, and pudding. For Lunch I had a hamburger and fruit. For dinner I had chicken, rice, and fruit. Oh okay, I had a brownie too! Fountain drinks were available all day. Milk and Juice were only served in the morning.

It was a very good experience. It got me out of my comfort zone. I had a great anniversary trip. I was able to enjoy much more than I ever thought I could. Honestly, after the fun began, I never thought about my weight once.

The fat girls guide to some of Orlando's Theme Parks 2 of 3

I had mixed feelings about going to Discovery Cove. I wanted to be excited about it. Hubby had arranged it as a surprise. He knows how much I love Dolphins and thought it would be amazing to swim with them for our anniversary. However, my first thoughts were, I have to wear a bathing suit, near other humans?!?!? AHHHHHHHH! I didn’t want to hurt his feels but I had panic attacks every time I thought about it. I mean, people are already rude and disgusted by fully clothed fat people, what would they say when I am walking around half naked?

First I have to say that Discovery Cove is absolutely beautiful. When I walked in I feel like I was instantly transported to a tropical island resort. It is complete with Lush Gardens, beautiful water all around, and a very helpful staff. At check in the randomly assigned you a swim time with the dolphins. Our happen to be the first round (Damn us for being early!) which was at 10am. This meant we needed to rush through breakfast and get into our suits. After check they had an orientation about the park. I guide showed us where everything was and what was included in our day. He then said the dreaded words: everyone who swims in any of our water activities must wear a wet suit or swim vest that they will provide for us. Of course my first thought is: I will never fit into a wet suit. My second thought was: I am going to look like a beached manatee in that thing if I can ever get it over my thighs!

After they give us the spiel about the park rules and such they ushered us over to the lockers where we are assigned a locker and then stood in line for a wet suit. I decided on the wet suit over the swim vest because more of me would be covered. I originally wanted to wear a cover up into the water but it would not have fit over the swim vest. There was now way I wanted my thighs in plain site all day. As my turn approached I was greeted by a friendly girl who handed me a wet suit and said this should be about your size. Then quietly said, if not, come back and I will get you another one. I was happy I didn't have to ask for my size because I didn't know what it would be. I tried on the 2x suit but decided it was too tight. I went back and before I even asked her she had the 3x ready for me. I loved that they were so discreet and kind. I later learned that they had wet suits all the way up to 18x. I never had to worry that one wouldn't fit. The 3x fit fine but was not flattering. The suits were made to cling to your body and keep you warm. It also clung to your rolls and made you embarrassed. However after about an hour in the suit I forgot all about it and just enjoyed my time there.

Once we were done getting our suits on we went to eat breakfast. The breakfast choices they had weren't too healthy. The served cinnamon rolls, Danish, doughnuts, croissants, bagels, and sugary cereal. My saving grace was they did have apples and raisin bran so this is what I picked. Hubby was not so good; he can never resist a cinnamon roll. Before we knew it, it was almost 10am. We rushed off to our dolphin swim.

The Dolphin swim was completely magical. After showing us a 15min video we walked over to the dolphin pool. The water was freezing. I was glad to have the wetsuit. As the dolphin swan up to us, I was in heaven. The beauty and grace these creatures have is amazing. Being up close and personal with them was worth every penny. The first 15 mins we spent petting the dolphin and learning different commands. We were able to give different signals so she would do flips, turns, and more. Next the was the point where you get to go to the deep end of the pool and grab onto the dolphins dorsal fins has she pulls you along. I was afraid I would be too heavy and hurt the dolphin. Of course the trainer asks me to be first. As I grabbed onto the fin and started to get pulled I realized there was no need for worry. She was so strong. My water shoes even feel off in the process because we were going to fast. It was a piece of cake. Next was picture time with the Dolphins and it was over. I could have stayed with them all day. I recommend it to anyone.

The other attractions at the park were a gorgeous man made coral reef complete with sunken pirate ship, an aviary, a lazy river, and a sting ray tank. All of the attractions were perfect for anyone at any size. The lunch options were far healthier than the breakfast ones. I had grilled salmon with veggies and a potato. The other options were: Grilled Chicken, Chicken Caesar Salad, Garden Salad, Chicken Fingers, Mac & Cheese, Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. If you can, definitely wear water shows. If not you can get cut up a little in the coral reef and there are some slippery parts in the lazy river. Also bring an underwater camera.

In the end it was a perfect day in paradise.

The next day we would be headed to Aquatica Water Park.

To be continued...



So much to write about and no time to write. I am working on some entries but haven't finished them yet. I want to finish up my Fat Girls Guide to Orlando theme parks and tell you more about my new lifestyle plan. I was plateaued for a while but I am back! More to come soon... seriously I promise!


The fat girls guide to some of Orlando's Theme Parks 1 of 3

Last week Hubby and I celebrated our 4th anniversary in Orlando. We had a blast and visited 4 different parks while we were there. Now, theme parks have always been one of my favorite things. Once I got past a certain weight I stopped wanting to go. I had many fears about being obese and how it would affect my time at the parks. In fact because of this I have not been on a vacation that involved rides and such in 8 years. It is just one of the many ways my size has hindered me. I didn’t want my husband to have to suffer, so I agreed to take this anniversary trip thinking I was just going to have to sit on the sidelines and watch him have a ball, luckily this wasn’t completely true.

When we first got to Orlando we met up with our friends Scott and Laura who live up there. Laura’s father has connects with Disney and got us free park hopper passes. They met us at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. This was more of a logistical thing than anything else. They wanted to eventually get us to the Magic Kingdom to spend most of the day. We walked around Animal Kingdom for about an hour and then took the safari. The safari ride has huge bench seats and no seat belts. There would be no problem for anyone of any size to fit on this fun animal adventure. This ride was very bumpy and pretty fast at times. I definitely wouldn’t recommend it for anyone with back problems or motion sickness.

Then it was off to the Magic Kingdom. As we walked through the gates I was filled with memories of my childhood and all the fun I had in the magic kingdom and then filled with dread just knowing I would not be able to enjoy them this time because I had let myself get so huge.

First we went on Pirates of the Caribbean. This ride has bench seats and was no problem to fit into. Anyone could have ridden this ride no problem. They added some actual Johnny Depp AKA Jack Sparrow parts to this ride. Hubby loved it and felt very nostalgic.

Next we walked on to the Haunted Mansion. I was concerned about this ride. I wasn’t sure how wide the seats were and wanted to sit with hubby in case I was scared. Ha! I can’t believe that ride ever scared me. It was silly but we are glad we went. The seat was roomy. My larger hubby and I both fit comfortable. In fact if you were with smaller people you could have fit three in a seat.

Then in was on to the Swiss Family Tree House. Lots of climbing, reminded me I need to keep getting in better and better shape.

After that our group was interested in the big three: Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain and Space Mountain. I was certain I would not be able to ride these so I was fully prepared to take a drink break while they had all the excitement. My hubby pushed and pushed me to try it anyway. I was so scared I would try to get on one of these rides and the attendant would scream out “Excuse me miss, you can ride this you are way too fat!!!”

The first one we decided to try was Splash Mountain, which typically puts two riders in each row. When I saw the seats I was sure this was going to be a little too tight a squeeze. However once we got closer to the ride I saw that many people were riding one to a seat. We decided to each ask for our own row to avoid embarrassment. To my delight once I got into the bench seat I found I could have ridden with a small person but certainly not with my husband. Hubby rode behind me and we had a great time on the ride. In fact since the lines were so short we rode it twice! I feel most anyone can ride Splash Mountain no matter your size, as long as you don’t mind riding solo.

For lunch we were trying to go healthy. Even though theme park food is not cheap, Disney did make sure to have some healthy options. I had a salad and grilled chicken. I drank water for most of the day expect for once when I splurged and had a revive vitamin water.

After lunch we did what you would expect: more roller coasters! We were lucky not to lose our lunch!! Thunder Mountain was just steps away from where we ate. I saw that this again had bench sits, so I wasn’t worried about fitting but I was worried about the push down lap bar. I decided to sit with Laura since she is tiny and I knew there would be enough space. It may be a tight squeeze if you have two large people in one bench. The lap bar came down without a hitch and we were off.

Of all the rides I remembered from my childhood space mountain was my fondest memory. After reading some reviews online I was positive I would have to sit this one out. I didn't want to miss out unless I absolutely had to so I decided to confront my fear. I went up to the line attendant and just flat out asked: "Do you think I am too fat for this ride?" She was so sweet about it. She said she thought I would be fine. Then I pressed her and said it was okay to tell me I was too fat but I didn't want to get up there and be kicked off. She laughed and said she knew I would fit. As we got closer and closer to the front of the line I thought I was going to have a panic attack. We learned from the ride attendant that if you are larger or tall you shouldn't ride in the front seat because it was the smallest and had the least amount of room. I finally lowered myself into the seat. I fit but thank God my hips weren't any wider. I pulled the lap bar down and although it didn't go down as far as I would have liked, it fit! we ended up riding it 3 times! I do however think if I was a little larger or hubby was just a little taller (he is 6'5'') we wouldn't have made it on the ride.

All in all the Magic Kingdom was a success and I did a lot of worrying for nothing. The next day I had to confront even more fears, and in a bathing suit no less.

To be continued...


Happy 4th Anniversary

The last month has been so busy and I have neglected my poor blog friends. Hubby and I went on our anniversary trip last week. I will be writing a three part series on: A fat girls guide to some of Orlando. In the meantime, here are some pictures from the highlight of our trip, our dolphin swim at Discovery Cove.


Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday and I stepped on the scale...it read 338.5. Ya!!...now I am charging through to 299! Lets hope I can make it by the end of the year. *Sigh*


Every thing is closed...

So, we are down here in Florida dodging hurricanes and tropical storms. We were missed but the weather has been horrific which led to everything in the world to close including my job. Traffic conditions were deemed unsafe. I deem staying home alone on a stormy day unsafe for diets. This leading to mindless eating and a load of guilt. Oh well, I cut myself off for the day but not before I squeezed in a couple of cookies and some Doritos. My mom got them as hurricane supplies. Damn Fay!

Good news is this is not the norm for me and I am feeling very good about hitting my revised birthday goal in a couple days. Go me!


The Cookie Diet

Its spreading like a rash in many of my social circles and I just don't get it. I mean the cookie diet?!?!? Come on!

You eat 4-6 cookies a day and then a sensible dinner, there is no magic here, it is PORTION CONTROL.

People are acting like these are super natural cookies that have come to save the day. I'm not buying it!

And although some of my friends have a lost a little weight, ALL of them are so sick of cookies! Um yeah, I would rather just track my calories and have variety any day.


Time is flying...

Everyday is busy busy busy and and I can't believe how long its been since I last posted. It feels like yesterday. Luckily my binge was only a day long. I felt so horrible I am hoping it is a reminder not to run to food when I am stressed.

My little brother (he's 25) is a drug addict and has been causing some family drama lately. It makes me sad and angry. It definitely has the opportunity to derail my efforts but I prevailed this time. I know understand why my mom (who is thin) gained 20 pounds last time he overdosed. But, that my friends is another story.

Since we last spoke I have lost another pound. It seems 1 pound every 2 weeks is what my body is about these days. I can't imagine eating less or exercising any more without feeling completely punished. So I will keep doing what I am doing.

I only have a little under a month before I turn 28. I really wanted to be under 300 pounds. Since that is impossible I have to revise the goal. Under 340 by my birthday would be great, not as good, but I'll take it! Talk to you soon.


When will I learn!?!?!

Comfort eating never actually comforts! Instead of just being depressed and stressed I am: depressed, stressed and FAT! When will I learn!?!?!?


I'm still here...

Barely though. The last couple weeks have flown by in a flash and I won't bore you with the details but they have been less than pleasant. In fact right now I am supposed to be in the Key's with my family celebrating my little sister's 13th birthday but circumstances intervened. Grrrr!

Since we last spoke I have again lost one more pound. One. That's it.

I know, what you all want to say..."At least you are going down and not up" "A pound is a pound" ect. ect. ect.

I try to say it to myself but its truly very hard. I am not giving up no matter what but these are the thoughts that plague me:
If it is taking me up to two weeks to lose 1 pound now, when I am working my butt off and eating like a champion, while I am 5'7'' and still over 300 pounds, while I am very focused and have not faltered...what kind of hell is ahead of me???

Typically weight loss is supposed to be faster at first, then as you lose you have to get more strict and more serious to lose BUT I am giving it my all now. *Sigh*

Someone said to me recently, why does it matter how long it takes you as long as you are losing?

That's easy to say but when you can't even see results on a scale every week it is super hard to stay positive. Also, at this rate I it will take me about 4 years to get down to the weight I need to be for them to even THINK helping me get pregnant. I will still be about 50 pounds overweight at that point.

I want to keep believing that my body is going to kick into gear if I keep pushing on through.


Ethan David is Here!

Sorry I have been out of the loop, I have not fallen off the wagon!! In fact I have S-L-O-W-L-Y lost one more pound.

However my best friend just had her baby and I spent the last 8 days up north with her and her new beautiful boy Ethan David. I have to say I am in love. I will update more later this weekend...I am exhausted!


Little by little

Well, I have lost 1.5 more pounds in the last 11 days. Its something. Its very slow but I am encouraged by anything at this point.

I have noticed something great has happened. I am and always have been a pretty healthy eater. I know what you may be thinking "No way in hell a 300+ pound woman is a healthy eater!" But newsflash: Its true! I love healthy food. My main meals every day consist of fruits, veggies, lean meat, beans, and grains. My real problem was sugar. I craved it and usually gave into the cravings at night time. I wanted chocolate, cookies, ice cream....ect.

Since I have started the Low GI diet my cravings have gone away. I mean completely. I have been watching people eat donuts & cake all week without the urge to eat them at all. Its amazing.


I've lost some weight, but I am not happy.

I've lost 6 pounds in the last 3 weeks but I am not too happy about it. I lost it all in the first 3 days of my new medications and low GI/ low calorie diet so I know it wasn't all fat, it was water weight. Why have I been so good for 3 weeks and for the last two weeks lost nothing? I am not giving up, I am giving it a 3 month go before I decide it isn't working, but if I don't lose some more weight soon I am really going to have trouble staying positive. I don't even know how it is humanly possible for a 300+ pound woman to eat 1600-1800 calories a day of healthy food and do the elliptical machine everyday and not lose an ounce for 2 full weeks. Ugh! I will keep you posted.


So here it goes...

I met with the endocrinologist on Monday. Some of the test results were good and some were scary. It was reconfirmed I have the endometerial hyperplasia and I also have PCOS. My hormone levels were completely wacked and my insulin was borderline. They want me to go on some meds. He strongly recommended since I was determined to try and loss weight with out surgery that I follow a diet that consists of foods that are low on the glycemic index. So, I printed out a list and am trying to eat the foods that are low mostly. Some that are medium and none of the high foods. It would be great if this could help me. I have been stuck for so long. I am giving it another go.



As of now nothing is really happening. I am pretty much waiting for my results. The endocrinologist gave me a new biopsy and took 18 vials of blood. They are testing my adrenals, pituitary gland, and hormone levels. I did a glucose test, a urine test, a saliva test and more, what fun!

In the end the Doctor will know more about my body than I do.

I get my results back on the 12th and I am very anxious about it. Hopeful knowing will help me form a plan of action.


A new low...

So, I am shopping at old navy with my sister in law for a cover up and sandals and this 3 year old little girl comes up to me and says: "You're fat" and walks away.

I was having a good day, I just found a bath suit that didn't make me want to commit suicide when I looked at myself in it and this little girl takes it all away in an instant.

It made me think about why I was so upset. The little girl was technically correct. I am fat. But, when I hear this I don't hear, you are fat, I hear: you are a fat ugly worthless piece of crap.

I need psychological help.


A sign?

For the 5th time, a doctor has told me losing weight on my own is next to impossible and that I should have gastric bypass. *sigh*



Well the good news is that I have kept all the weight off that I lost while I was sick. The bad news is I haven't lost any more weight no matter how hard I tried. I am very frustrated.

Tonight was the season finale of the biggest loser. I was supposed to be on this season. The bad news is I felt a twinge of bitterness and jealousy. The good news is a woman finally won! Go Ali! You look hot!!!

More news: I don't have cancer. The bad news: I have endometerial hyperplasia. I have an increased risk of endometerial cancer. I have to keep going back for biopsies. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist. I hope they can help. I feel like my female parts have betrayed me in so many ways. Why can't they do what they are supposed to do?


A Stomach Bug...a Blessing in disguise?

March has been a pretty rough month and to top it all off I caught a horrible stomach bug on Thursday that lasted about 48 hours. It was one of the worst illnesses I have had in quite sometime and don't wish this bug on anyone. However when I hopped on the scale on Saturday morning and saw I was 10 pounds lighter I thought it may have been a blessing in disguise. Of course I knew that I had mainly lost fluids (Not eating for two days helped too!) but psychologically it still made me feel good. (Insane, I know) Well, after I got hydrated today I still weighted about 8 pounds lighter. I think this is the perfect head start I needed. I feel recharged and have planned out a week of healthy foods and exercise. I don't welcome being sick, but hey, whatever it takes to get me back in the game.


Girls Weekend in Atlanta

I got to spend some time last weekend with my best friends in Atlanta. It was fun and lifted my spirits. It was especially wonderful to see my friend Faith who is 7 months pregnant. I got to feel the baby move and she looked so adorable.


The Scare

Well, I was being private about this at first but I think I am ready to share now. I got some bad news at the Doctor last month and it threw me into a deep depression. I just felt like I wasn't getting any where with my weight loss, I wasn't getting anywhere with my fertility, and now I hear news that I have another issue to battle. It seems the lining of my uterus is doesn't look quite right and they are concerned I have cancer or pre-cancer. They believe that this stems from my hormonal imbalances. I have been unable to stop thinking about this. I have allowed it to consume me. I have my biopsy next week and am praying that I will get good news. Even if I don't have cancer now, if they can't get my hormones into balance I will always have an increased risk of all female cancers. One of the ways to get my hormones in balance is to loss weight because the extra fat means extra estrogen. Although the hormone imbalance also makes it harder to lose weight. I have unfortunately turned to food way too many times in the last month for comfort. I have gained 3 pounds in the last 4 weeks.


Would you rather???

My girlfriends and I were playing a game called would you rather. There are crazy questions, gross questions, thought provoking questions. All in all its a fun game. Its always interesting to hear how people answer the questions. Some example questions:

Would you rather have a head twice your regular size or half your regular size?

Would you rather have a job you love but never make more than 40k a year or a job you hate but make 250k a year.

So while we are playing the game the question comes up:
Would you rather lose feeling in your right hand or loss the sense of taste?

All my friends immediately answered that they would rather lose feeling in their right hand. They went on and on about the things they would never be able to taste again and thought about how horrible it would be.

I felt completely different. Please take my sense of taste. Then I would eat only for nutrition instead of wanting to indulge my taste buds. My weight, my health, my life would be enhanced I feel.

What would you rather?



In honor of the horrid last 6 or so weeks I have had I am asking you all what your most shameful food infatuations are?


Gushers fruit snacks, mostly strawberry splash. They have no nutritional value and I love them and have eaten them by the box... How embarrassing.

What about you guys?


I know, I'm still gone...

Things are crazy and there is so much to blog about, I promise to be back soon.


I've been a bad bad girl...

Update coming soon, sorry for the very long lapse in communication...I'll be back before the end of the month.