Learning to be Selfish

I haven’t been living for myself for so long, I barely remember how. I have basically been a yes woman since I was a teenager. I never want to trouble you. I never want to make too many waves. I now have to learn how to be a little selfish. I know it sounds bad but being selfish is not always a bad thing. Not being selfish enough has been partly the reason for my weight loss failures. Instead of hurting Grandma’s feelings I smile and have the pecan pie she wants me to eat. Instead of speaking up when lunch plans are made I go to the pizza place when I know I shouldn't eat pizza. When I friend begs me to go shopping Thursday night when I know I have my workout schedule I say yes to the shopping anyway because I don’t want her to have to go alone. I'm scared to order my salad with no croutons, no bacon bits, no cheese, extra chicken, and dressing on the side because I don't want to annoy the waitress. The different scenarios could go on and on.

I am saying “No” to people now. I am saying “Yes” to myself and my goals. This is a time for me to focus on me. I have to make work outs and healthy eating my top priorities over the feelings of others in my life. Honestly it felt really bad to do it the first couple times. My friends and family seemed shocked that I stuck to my guns. I don’t want to ever go overboard and be completely self centered. I know that there are still important people in my life that I will take time out for, but I need to be wiser about it.


  1. Good for you. They are not living in your shoes. I know they might mean well, but you have to come first. In the end, it will be all worth it.
    Real friends will understand where the no's are coming from, kwim?
    I'm a yes girl too and started figuring this out a couple of months ago too.
    Keep up the good work and the keep the no's comin'.

  2. YES! I had a hard time at first with telling people that I was passing on going out to eat but at some point I got real and just told them that I was watching what I ate and didn't have room to go out! I felt so empowered and in control! I don't always say NO but sometimes it is just too much to try to go out and stay on track and I save myself some serious heartache by just staying home and making a better choice.

    It is amazing that you are doing this! What a great topic for me to think about... Thanks!

  3. Good for you! It's so important to stand up for yourself (I'm still learning how to do that). This is a great post. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Oh yes, I absolutely understand you there. I have the same problem, not just when it comes to food/eating, but also in other areas of my life. I keep trying to work on it, but it's not easy.

  5. Awesome job. I have rarely been able to do that. It's so hard to tell people no. I think, for me, since I've always been fat saying yes might just get someone to be nice to me. Maybe even like me. I've lost a few friends along the way because I finally put my foot down. It was my own fault though, they thought I'd always say yes...and when I didn't they didn't understand. Live and Learn.

  6. "Selfish" can be a loaded word for people. Taking care of your health is NOT being selfish. Making your health a priority is a smart move with many long term benefits - both for you AND your friends and family. You'll be able to shop longer and with more stamina with a girlfriend when you have less weight on your body. And you'll be able to enjoy pieces of Gramma's pie for years to come if you lose that weight. If you continue to say yes to the pie now, you might develop diabetes - bye bye pie!

    So think of your efforts as a long term investment in you and your relationships.

    Sorry for the rambling post - selfish is a hot word for me!

  7. Great Post.

    I too, had to become a bit selfish regarding food. It's hard around this time of year. When someone from the workplace slaved all afternoon on cookies or cake.
    Food is social, food is love. Every culture has emotional connections to food. Kudos to you for standing up for what you deserve. I think that we are afraid to show that we are eating less or differently, but I realized that most people, the important people, don't notice or don't pay attention.

  8. I totally understand what you are saying. I have a hard time saying no to others and yes to myself. Good luck on that one. I struggle with it and always have. But, we have to try, right?