I still have not gotten back to counting calories, and I know that is why I haven't lost more weight, but its one step at a time, and I think I have taken a giant step foward.
However, I can't change the past, I can only change the future. I must move forward.
Upsetting side note: I was asked by my father today not to sit on their new couch because he thought I would break it seeing as it was not made for someone like me. OUCH!
I wasn't even gonna write about it but I am all about being authentic and sharing the true life of a fat girl. There you go folks!
Yesterday, I made a menu plan for next week. I am off to the store today to buy mostly fresh fruits, fresh veggies, lean meats, chicken and fish. I have everything planned out, even my two snacks a day. Next week I will focus on eating healthy but I will not count calories. When I try to change everything at once, I am usually overwhelmed and often fail. If I know during my transition we I have healthy food to eat, but can eat however much I want it helps me stay on track. Next week I will go back to measuring portions and counting calories. I will start out eating 2000 calories a day and will drop it every week by 100 calories until I get to 1600.
As for exercise, I am appalled by the fact I have not stepped foot on my bike or elliptical machine for 6 weeks. I am blessed to have these tools at my disposal and should never let a week go by without using them. My new rule for myself. If I don't exercise in a day, I can't watch TV. I often say I am too tired or too busy for exercise. However, I find a way to watch at least one to two hours of TV everyday. So, I can choose not to exercise if I don't want to, but that means no TV for the day. I have a feeling I will be squeezing at least 30 mins into my schedule again.
I am headed over to Sanibel Island Tuesday with my parents and little sister. we are renting a condo with a kitchen so it should be pretty easy to eat well. We are bringing our bikes with us and every day will include many walks on the beach. I'll be back on the 17th. Have fun wrapping up your summer too!
He came home a couple days ago and I could tell it was a rough shift. When I asked about it I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. He was called to a home where a woman collapsed. When he got there he found a hysterical mother scared for her daughter. He soon found her daughter was having a heart attack. On the way to the hospital she died. There was nothing they could do. Its sad when you lose ANY patient but this one hit close to home for him. She was only 33, beautiful, successful, and morbidly obese. She had so much life left to live but her heart couldn't take it anymore. My husband is deathly afraid this could happen to me.
Once my lifestyle changes fell apart in January of this year I kinda just fell off the wagon again. I struggled to get back up but couldn't find the motivation. I thought to myself: I am fat, I will never be thin and pretty, it is just not my lot in life. Oh well, at least I have a great life, husband and family. I will just stay fat.
When did I forget to should have little to do with being thin and pretty. In all reality this IS a matter of life and death. What is the point in having a great life if you have it cut short due to something you CAN change?
And to be fair, why does the attractive skinny blonde have to be stupid?
There was lots and lots more.
If you catch the show. Let me know what your thoughts are...
I started to think about why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted to have accountability on my journey, I wanted to encourage others and relate to them along the way, and I wanted to keep a record of my journey.
So far there seems like there has been no journey. In the last 2.5 years I have gained and lost the same 40 pounds over and over again. It hasn't been beneficial for me or my blogger friends. I am just floundering.
In the last six months I have gained weight yet again. As I gear up to get my life back on track for the 453rd time I am embarrassed to yet again share this on my blog. I am truly starting to wonder if it can be done. I have to believe it can or there is no point in going on.
I am just thinking that this blog is not doing what it was designed to do, which is to help me and help others. Since this is the case, should I keep going in hopes it all will turn around, or should I stop? I am not sure at this point. We'll see.
Everything has taken longer than expected and we are actually still finishing up the new back splash today. Cooking healthy is even more fun when you have a kitchen you love to be in and that actually works properly!
When it rains it pours, parties galore over here in my life. A few shots from the party. I rocked it rainbow bright style.
In other news, I am still depressed and having a hard time climbing out of the hole I am in. I gained one pound. I am now 315. Yippee.
Well, I am officially a statistic. They say Obesity and depression are linked. It is hard to admit but I am depressed. I usually try to be up-beat but I just can’t do it anymore. I know being depressed doesn’t help my situation but I can’t help what I feel. As I move closer and closer to 30 without any huge weight loss success, without any relief from my PCOS symptoms, and without being able to start a family, I just feel trapped. I am actually too depressed to even write anymore today…
I didn’t gain any weight though. I am still 314.
I have some big projects going on at work, my friends bridal shower this weekend which I am planning and my mother's 50th birthday party next weekend which I am planning, and my best friend in the whole world Faith is coming for a 4 day visit with her 8 month old baby ethan next weekend. So, I know I am not putting myself first right now but I don't see anyway around it. However I still wanted to check in.
How are all of you doing?
So, this week I am still 314.
Okay, its been my first week back in the saddle. It truly feels good. It is right where I am supposed to be. Feeling in control of my eating empowers me. Some quick thoughts about the week:
1) I never realized how dreadfully dehydrated I get when I am not focused on my eating and water intake. When I am off plan I tend to drink too much diet soda also. The first day back on plan I gained 1.5 pounds in water weight alone, yikes!
2) I need to ignore what my hubby is eating and focus on myself. If hubby falls off the wagon I am too quick to follow. If he is eating healthy I get jealous of all the extra food he can have and still lose tons of weight. We are trying to live healthy together but I need to focus on my own road to health.
3) It is amazing how much carbs affect me. For me, carbs are addictive. I can eat healthy carbs in moderation but if I eat too much I just crave more and more and easily overeat for days.
4) Junk food makes my brain turn to mush. I can think so much more clearly already, after just one week off the comforting junk food.
5) Food doesn’t not truly comfort me long term. It just makes me fatter and more unhappy. I need to stop falling for it!
6) I hope I can remember this next time I fall off the wagon.
I can say I am proud of myself. I must be learning something because although I was derailed, I got back into the game pretty quickly for me. My typical lapse has always been much longer and often I am only half hearted in my renewed attempt. This time I am right back on track and giving it all I have. Maybe that is why I lost 2 pounds this week! I am down 48 pounds from my highest weight of 362!! Yes, I am elated!
Well, January certainly turned out exactly the opposite of what I planned. I thought I had successfully gotten through the holiday season and I was home free. It’s easy to live healthy in January isn’t it? Well after you throw in a construction project, and horrible car accident, and a hand full of other stresses between work and home what do you get: a derailed lifestyle plan!! It makes me sad that I was derailed mostly because life can be stressful, and I wanted to make sure I did not deal with the stress via food. However once everything got out of control I used it as an excuse to eat comfort foods. Once I was off track for a week, I avoided the scale like the plague just knowing I had gained all my weight back.
I tried to restart a couple times during the month, but I failed every time. Lack of will power and lack of preparation defeated me.
Today is the first time I have stepped on the scale since early January. I was shocked by what I saw. I was exactly the same weight I was when I last checked. I was happy, even though I knew the scale was only telling a half truth. I may have been the same weight but I know I did gain some fat and lose some muscle. My body does not feel the same at all and my clothes are a little tighter. I am still more grateful than ever not to have to lose the same blasted pounds twice. I have done that too many times in my weight loss history.
I have my exercise and eating planned for the week just like I used to. I am back to logging my foods. I have my house stocked full of the good stuff and chucked any junk we had laying around. I banished the diet soda again. (I was so proud to have been off that crap for months, and then I blew it) At this point I will be elated to even lose one pound this week. After 3 weeks of bad behavior I know my body will rebel against weight loss. I am also sure I will go through detoxification again, which I hate! It’s the headaches that kill me the most. Advil here I come!
So, January started off pretty badly, but thankfully it is ending on a sweeter note.