I may not have any readers left. I failed AGAIN. How many times can you fail in one blog? I have not updated in months because nothing I had to say would have helped anyone. My life blew up in my face. I fell into old habits and I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose. This has to be about the 3rd or 4th time this has happened. I am embarrassed. I am tired of it. I can’t live my life like this anymore. As I contemplated what I should do, so many options swirled in my head. I didn’t want to talk about it until I was sure what I wanted to do. Now, I am completely sure. This will be my last attempt at natural weight loss. I will give it all I have for another year of my life. I am turning 30 in August. My life is flying by faster than I thought possible. I have spent most of this life fat. Although I have not been completely unhappy and have had my share of joys in life, I have always been held back. And I do mean ALWAYS. When I think about getting to the end of my life and thinking about how I lived up to only 1/3 of my potential because I never got my weight under control, it makes me sick. What a waste. Life is such a precious gift. I will not waste it.

If I can not lose at least 60 pounds this year getting me under 300, I will have gastric bypass surgery next year. I have thought about surgery off and on through the years and ultimately always decided against it. I am not a big fan of medical intervention unless it is the last resort and prefer to do things naturally. I would hear about the vitamin absorption issues and health problems and didn’t want to take the risks. However, I am at such a high risk for so many diseases at my current weight, and I am not able to live life to the fullest. If I have the surgery and I have some issues, can it really be worse that where I am today? I am not so sure anymore.

My plan, starting Monday 2/1/10 is this:
1800-1600 calories a day of fruits, veggies, lean protein, and whole grain carbohydrates. I will limit my carbohydrates and not eat any past lunch. I will make the bulk of my diet fruits and veggies. I will focus on getting the most nutrition out of every calorie. I will not eat any fake foods. I will not eat pre packaged foods. I will not eat highly processed foods. I will nourish my body. I will cut out all soda. (even diet) I will drink only water and tea.

In past weight loss attempts have made it very clear that my metabolism is slower than it should be. I must build as much muscle as I can. I must make exercise a very important part of my plan. Without it, I will never increase my metabolic rate. If I do not increase my metabolism, I will not meet my goals and will never be able to maintain a healthier weight. For Christmas my husband got P90X. He asked for it and is excited to use it. My husband is in WAY better shape than I am. He has worked out 3-5 days a week the entire time I have known him. (over 7 years) He is still about 50 pounds overweight, but he is strong and very fit for his weight. I know I may have to work up to doing the full DVD’s but I am going to try them. The people we know that have truly stuck with them have lost a lot of weight. I am going to be doing one P90X dvd every morning M-F(30-60mins). I will be doing bike rides (30mins) in the evening M-F. I will be using the elliptical machine (30-60mins) on Sat & Sun. I have done a schedule similar to this in the past. The first few weeks are hard. I will have to work up to the higher times, however after a month I felt amazing when I was this active. I believe it must be done, and I will be better for it.

This is it. I have little less than a year to change my life. I cannot fail.


  1. I wish you the best of luck. You're making a step in the right direction. It's great to see that you're back.

    Don't demand too much out of yourself at once though. It may be too much and you'll fall back into your old ways again. Slow and steady.

    Good luck!

  2. I know what you mean... for the last five years i've been on the wagon then off the wagon, on the wagon then off and so on and so on... its frustrating. And even more so to know that its only you thats stopping the progress.

    You sound like you're motivated and you have a plan, you know how you're getting there and you've taken that first step. I'll be really interested in how you're getting along, i've got a similar amount to lose and similar age so i'll def be keeping up with this blog!

    And lastly, welcome back - you're a bigger person for coming back than not bothering at all.

  3. Well you still have atleast one reader. I was right where you are with WLS. I have since lost 47lbs (Hard last few months) If you need it then do it but make sure that you can't do it on you own. Here is a forum that I'm on that offers alot of support: http://www.fit4lifefriends.com I'm princess2one on there:) hope to see you

  4. stumbled upone ur blog, as one does. Only read urmost recent post.

    I turn 30 in June and feel exactly as you do.

    I am going tonight to re-join weight watches (4 times now? ok maybe 5).

    To be honest, I am stumped by ur post., I feel exactly the same!! Its an omen, really it is (like I believe in omens or something).

    We can do this!!

  5. Boy, do I know how you feel! I am in the same position. I was so happy to have weighed considerably less than 'usual' after my pregnancy. Right now, I am only a few pounds away from being where I was before the pregnancy. I have recommitted to my weight loss now, too. Surgery is not an option for me, as I feel I have too much to lose to risk complications and side effects. I know my body can lose the weight, I will just have to stay focused. So that is what I am doing right now - gradually changing my habits. I can't make any crass changes any more, they never work for me. I know what's good for my body and what isn't. Our daughter lives much more healthily than we do right now and that in itself is wrong - why can't we do for us what we are doing for our little girl? It has to stop and we're back on track. I really hope you will reconsider about the surgery, but I do know that different things work for different people. I look forward to more posts from you!

  6. glad to see you back. I have been trying my hardest to be a 'clean eater' for the past 6 months and the clean eating plan is exactly what you are describing. There are lots of helpful blogs out there to help support you.

    Im looking forward to following your progress

  7. this is an awesome plan and you can DEFINITELY do it. exercising every day takes a little getting used to, but it's true, you feel better and better every day. yesterday was my rest day and, frankly, i was kind of itchy for activity!

    i'm glad you're back. 60 pounds in 11 months is absolutely doable!

  8. I finally started to get my act in gear this year. My 10 year high school reunion is this Sept. and I told myself that I wouldn't go unless I lost 50 pounds by then. I'm off to a good start (12 pds in Jan) but each day is a struggle.

    I also have PCOS and am struggling with infertility. Finding other bloggers that are going through similar situation seems to help. Knowing you're not the only one with these issues can be strengthening.

    I wish you the best of luck in your own struggle. =)

  9. This is a very large list of enormous demands of change. I think you're vbeing really hard on yourself but I will not discourage you. No matter how many times you think you've failed you haven't because you're just not done yet. I'll stick by you (virtually at least) with whatever decisions you make, be it, natural or surgical weight loss. Best of luck! I'm rooting for you.