Living outside the realm of reality.

I truly feel I must have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. Most of the time when I look in the mirror I feel pretty good about myself. I may not be thin but I never think I look huge ether. I can look in the mirror and feel good about leaving the house. In fact there are days I forget I am fat. I know its sounds ridiculous but if I have done my hair, have a great outfit on and feel pretty I forget completely that I am as big as a baby hippo. I'll be out with my girls friends feeling pretty and confident and then I barely fit into the booth at dinner, or barely fit into the chair in the movie theater and that's when it hits me. I am not normal. Those people weren't staring at my because I was pretty, it is because I am large. The other time it hits me like ton of bricks is when I see pictures. Pictures do not lie. It is quite painful to think you looked amazing all evening, then to see a picture and realize you are twice the size of any of your friends. You are stuffed into ugly plus size clothing. You are not cute. These days I try to keep from taking too many body shots. I will hide behind a friend, or my hubby, or a piece of furniture. Or of course I resort to the floating head picture. If people hundreds of years from now people had study my life from pictures along they may think I had no body at all.


  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you mean. I am the same way. I get dressed up to go somewhere, nice fat girl clothes, make up,nails, hair do etc. and then I see a pic from that event later on think I'm crazy to have thought I looked good.

  2. I do all of that, too - I totally didn't even realize I had gained weight until I saw myself in photos...it's like it grew under my clothes and then just popped out one day!

    the truth is, people were probably not just looking at you because you looked pretty or you looked large. and you weren't crazy when you thought you looked pretty! from what I can tell, you ARE pretty! maybe people were drawn by your size - or maybe they were drawn in by your cute outfit - but ultimately they say you - and, as an objective outsider, you're totally cute. plus, south florida people are really weird. i grew up in FL and all i associate with SFL girls is shopping and tanning, so no stress there!


  3. Awwww. Don't be so tough on yourself. You ARE normal and you're NOT as big as a baby hippo and the reason you feel beautiful when you are dressed up and made up is because you ARE beautiful. I won't even begin to say how beauty isn't about fat or thin or pretty or ugly it's about the person you are inside because it's just so cliché and you already know all of this.

    I really hope you did start reading "the book" because you're really causing yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and you don't deserve it. You wouldn't allow others to say these things about you (I hope) so please don't let it be so second nature to berate yourself. You don't deserve it.

    Take care.

  4. Oh boy...I could've written this myself! I have spent my last two vacations either finding ways to avoid being in photos or finding ways to position myself behind my husband OR instructing him to take the picture "from the shoulders up!"

    It's exhausting, it's tiring and it's depressing. I can dress myself up, wear pretty makeup and make sure my hair is never out of place, but when I see a picture of myself, I just wonder, "Who the HECk is that" and realize it's ME.

    But please, don't be so hard on yourself. Make the positive changes you need to make, but accept you're beautiful, you're fabulous and you are loved just as you are...and even if you weren't changing your weight, that would stay the same!

  5. I am the same way... I can look in the mirror and somehow not see how much fat is actually there. But if I look at a picture of myself, I'm mortified.

  6. I am the same way. I was at a bar a couple weeks ago & saw a girl in the mirrored wall & thought, that girl is fat! And it was ME! Most of the time I don't realize just how much space I take up w/all this extra weight!