I debated whether or not to blog about this at all. It is very personal and I haven't discussed it with many people in my life. However I figured I should be as authentic as possible so why not? Besides, this blog is anonymous and wasn't the point of that so I can be honest?
I don't know if my hubby has been watching too much Dr. Phil or what but he brought something up this week that I had never thought about before. We were looking at some old photo albums and he noticed I starting gaining a lot of weight in 1995. I was always little chubby but I didn't start packing it on until then. Then he asked, isn't that the year you were raped?
When I was 14 I was raped. I have never really correlated it with my weight gain before. I am still not sure it has anything to do with it. However, my hubby wants me to go to counseling. He says he has seen me use food as a coping mechanism and thinks it may have started with the rape. I truly feel like I have moved past it and rarely think about it anymore. I guess there is a possibility that subconsciously it affects me. I can't see any harm in talking to someone about it. So I made an appointment to with a psychologist. Maybe she can help me with my emotional eating, even if it has nothing to do with being raped.
I have noticed that I can be on a roll, eating well, exercising, feeling great, but then something will happen in my life that I have trouble handling and I completely fall off the wagon. This of course is not the only reason for my weight gain but it has been a large contributor. I just feel if I never get to the bottom of it, my weight loss will never be permanent.