I was almost completely derailed last week. I was completely emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. I felt myself wanting to turn to food every single day. I don't know how I did it.
On Wednesday of last week we got a phone call. A friend of a friend of a friend was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. She is due in July. She had already had 4 children in the past and all of them had been adopted. We knew very little about the situation but we got very excited. Our dream of becoming parents seemed like it might come true and soon.
On Thursday we got the news that the adoption would cost 25,000 dollars. This was much more than we had, however we had been saving. Maybe we could get the money somehow.
On Friday we find out that the mother is a drug addict. She has taking cocaine, Oxycontin, and smoking daily. We were shocked and saddened she would do this to her baby. She said she would stop for the remaining three months of her pregnancy but what damage had been done?
We worried, prayed, talked and cried. We decided that it was worth the risk. This little baby needs a home and parents even if it was not getting the best start in life.
On Saturday we find out the birth mother has Hepatitis C. We are taken by surprise and saddened all over again. This is horrible news. We read all we can about Hepatitis C and its risks to the baby. We find chances are the baby will not be infected but could be. We wondered if we were ready to take that risk. We were scared but still felt we could do it.
On Sunday we are faxed the medical records of the mother and other personal information. She is a complete wreck with vitamin deficiencies, kidney problems and more. I find myself having panic attacks over the whole situation. My heart was broken for this sweet life growing inside of her. I wanted to save this baby if at all possible. We evaluate our budget. We check how much adding a baby to our insurance would be. We talk about me quitting my job to be a stay at home mom.
Monday we find out the birth mother not only wants living costs but wants us to pay for her to get a large amount of dental work and pay off all her traffic tickets. We find out her requests may not stop there. The adoption costs could go as high as 40,000 dollars.
We say enough is enough. This situation is not for us.
It was a whirlwind of highs and lows and I have come out of it a little depressed.
During the while process I could totally see how something like this could lead to weight gain. Maybe I am truly an emotional eater and not necessarily a food addict.