I was almost completely derailed last week. I was completely emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. I felt myself wanting to turn to food every single day. I don't know how I did it.
On Wednesday of last week we got a phone call. A friend of a friend of a friend was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. She is due in July. She had already had 4 children in the past and all of them had been adopted. We knew very little about the situation but we got very excited. Our dream of becoming parents seemed like it might come true and soon.
On Thursday we got the news that the adoption would cost 25,000 dollars. This was much more than we had, however we had been saving. Maybe we could get the money somehow.
On Friday we find out that the mother is a drug addict. She has taking cocaine, Oxycontin, and smoking daily. We were shocked and saddened she would do this to her baby. She said she would stop for the remaining three months of her pregnancy but what damage had been done?
We worried, prayed, talked and cried. We decided that it was worth the risk. This little baby needs a home and parents even if it was not getting the best start in life.
On Saturday we find out the birth mother has Hepatitis C. We are taken by surprise and saddened all over again. This is horrible news. We read all we can about Hepatitis C and its risks to the baby. We find chances are the baby will not be infected but could be. We wondered if we were ready to take that risk. We were scared but still felt we could do it.
On Sunday we are faxed the medical records of the mother and other personal information. She is a complete wreck with vitamin deficiencies, kidney problems and more. I find myself having panic attacks over the whole situation. My heart was broken for this sweet life growing inside of her. I wanted to save this baby if at all possible. We evaluate our budget. We check how much adding a baby to our insurance would be. We talk about me quitting my job to be a stay at home mom.
Monday we find out the birth mother not only wants living costs but wants us to pay for her to get a large amount of dental work and pay off all her traffic tickets. We find out her requests may not stop there. The adoption costs could go as high as 40,000 dollars.
We say enough is enough. This situation is not for us.
It was a whirlwind of highs and lows and I have come out of it a little depressed.
During the while process I could totally see how something like this could lead to weight gain. Maybe I am truly an emotional eater and not necessarily a food addict.
that is... incredibly stressful! i'm so sorry you had to pass on this situation. it sounds very much like this woman is trying to profit from her baby, and perhaps has profited off of her other adoptions.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry you're not an expecting mom yet. it must have been such a wonderful feeling.
I am so, so sorry that you have gone through so much in the last week. I know how tough it is not to eat during times like that, and you should be proud of yourself for keeping your health in mind. I know lots of blessings are in store for you and your husband... I hope they come soon!
ReplyDeleteWow, that is an emotional roller coaster!! I believe it wasn't meant to be - I also had no idea adoptions could cost that much!
ReplyDeleteAnd sadly, I've seen t.v. shows where one woman promises a baby to several couples - all paying expenses, etc. only to keep the baby.
Hugs!
What a mess she is. She probably has a medical card so she shouldn't have any expenses. As for the dental work and tickets...babies are not to pay your bills. Is she on crack...oh I guess she is lol
ReplyDeleteOh hugs and hugs and hugs !!!! We went through 10 years of infertility and towards the end we began to investigate the adoption process and pursue a more aggressive approach to dealing with our infertility. We had other friends go through adoption and it was a very emotionally taxing role. You are dealing with emotional events that could sink a small army!! It is REALLY hard to o the right things when dealing with all of this, but know that anything you can do positive will help you to better deal with the stress. Perfection may not be possible, but simply doing the best you can from day to day, minute to minute is the best thing you can do.This is the first entry of your blog that I have read, but I plan on reading more, saying a prayer or two for you and yours and offer up some good energies towards helping you and yours find your hearts desire in this matter.
ReplyDeleteI am so sickened that I cannot even comment anything encouraging or really express my deepest sympathies for you. I am just sick for you sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry that this situation is what it was.
ReplyDeleteDuring our adoption, I joked that I gained more than I would have w/pregnancy. I also sort of joked that it was I was a crack whore I could probably conceive with the blink of an eye. (Bitter much? Nope, not me.)
Eventually, the right situation will make itself known and you will know joy you can't even imagine. That doesn't help now - not even a little. (If one more person told me "In God's perfect time" during our adoption, I would have punched them.) Again, I'm sorry.
I am so so sorry. This sounds absolutely terrible :( I feel so sorry for the poor baby, too. :(( Your time will come, though, I am sure of that.
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