2/17/07

My Family is Thin.

I always feel like the odd ball in my family. In family pictures I'm sure people are like "Who is that elephant with that beautiful family and who let it out of the zoo?" It makes me feel bad, like I am the ugly duckling in a family of beautiful swans. Both my my parents have had some little struggles with there weight and they have both yo-yo-ed but they have never been morbidly obese. (My Mom's top weight was 190 (5'4'') and My dad's top weight was 240(5'11'')) My dad finally found his way with eating low carb and has maintained a weight of 180 for over 8 years now. My mom lost weight most recently with Cinch the program I am following now and is now a tiny 130 pounds and has kept her weight off for a year. My brother is 6'1'' and has settled into a weight of 195 and has never had any sort of weight problem. My little sister is 11 years old, so she is a kid, she has a normal kid build. When I went away to college my sister was just starting elementary school so my family met alot of new people since they were very involved with her school. When I came home I had all these new people to meet that had heard about me. I wasn't the cute little co-ed they had pictured. It was hard for them to hide their shock when they met me. The would look confused and say "You are so and so's daughter, oh uh, Hi!" I felt like they were playing that children's game: One of these things are not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. In high school I would get a lot of the same comments from friends of my brother, they couldn't believe I was his sister, he was the good looking slim football star, and I was the shy fat drama-chorus geek.  Being the huge one in the family some people must think I am adopted. Even though I have my dad's nose, my mom's eyes and mouth, my features are hidden behind the fat. Sometimes I have let bitterness take over, why am I the one that is huge? We all ate the same while I was growing, why was I the only one who had their weight go out of control? Why do I have to work so hard to lose a pound while my parents can lose so easily. These are question's that will never be answered, so I let go of most of the bitterness. I have turned the bitterness into motivation. So help me, if it takes 4 years to lose the 180 unwanted pounds I have left I will still accomplish my goal. Until then, when socializing with my family, when I meet new people I will understand their shock that I could be part of this slim, beautiful family, I will shake their hand while apologizing with my eyes for having to meet this large disturbing branch of the family tree.

2 comments:

  1. That breaks my heart that you feel so out of place within your family. You have to realize that you don't need to appologize to anybody for your size. This isn't about them or what others think of you...this is about you. What you've done in the past doesn't matter, it's what you're doing now that counts.

    I really wish you would read. Dr. Phil's book to help you deal with these emotions.

    Oh and P.S. I think you're beautiful!

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  2. I think you're absolutely gorgeous too! All of those people that are surprised by your appearance, just think of all of the ugly crutches that they may have. Shake their hands and secretly wonder if they are bitter, liars, judgemental, angry, alcoholics, etc. It isn't fair that we should be pitied for being no worse than any other person. It isn't a sign of weakness. Bravo for doing this for you... it also sounds like you have an amazing husband! Which speaks volumes. ; )

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